少年维特的烦恼-第20章

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heavier　disease　and　a　more　painful　death，　or　who　can　exult　over　the　despairing
mind　of　a　sinner，　who，　to　obtain　peace　of　conscience　and　an　alleviation
of　misery　，　makes　a　pilgrimage　to　the　Holy　Sepulchre。　Each　laborious
step　which　galls　his　wounded　feet　in　rough　and　untrodden　paths　pours　a
drop　of　balm　into　his　troubled　soul　，　and　the　journey　of　many　a　weary
day　brings　a　nightly　relief　to　his　anguished　heart。　Will　you　dare　call
this　enthusiasm　，　ye　crowd　of　pompous　declaimers　？　Enthusiasm　！　0　God！
thou　seest　my　tears。　Thou　hast　allotted　us　our　portion　of　misery：　must
we　also　have　brethren　to　persecute　us　，　to　deprive　us　of　our　consolation，
of　our　trust　in　thee，　and　in　thy　love　and　mercy？　For　our　trust　in　the
virtue　of　the　healing　root，　or　in　the　strength　of　the　vine　，　what　is
it　else　than　a　belief　in　thee　from　whom　all　that　surrounds　us　derives
its　healing　and　restoring　powers？　Father　，　whom　I　know　not，——　who
wert　once　wont　to　fill　my　soul，　but　who　now　hidest　thy　face　from　me，
——　call　me　back　to　thee　；　be　silent　no　longer；　thy　silence　shall　not
delay　a　soul　which　thirsts　after　thee。　What　man　，　what　father，　could
be　angry　with　a　son　for　returning　to　him　suddenly　，　for　falling　on　his
neck，　and　exclaiming　，　〃I　am　here　again　，　my　father！　forgive　me　if
I　have　anticipated　my　journey　，　and　returned　before　the　appointed　time！
The　world　is　everywhere　the　same，——　a　scene　of　labour　and　pain　，　of
pleasure　and　reward　；　but　what　does　it　all　avail　？　I　am　happy　only　where
thou　art，　and　in　thy　presence　am　I　content　to　suffer　or　enjoy。〃　And　wouldst
thou，　heavenly　Father，　banish　such　a　child　from　thy　presence？

　　DECEMBER　1。　Wilhelm　，　the　man　about　whom　I　wrote　to　you——　that
man　so　enviable　in　his　misfortunes——　was　secretary　to　Charlotte's　father
；　and　an　unhappy　passion　for　her　which　he　cherished，　concealed，　and
at　length　discovered，　caused　him　to　be　dismissed　from　his　situation。
This　made　him　mad。　Think，　whilst　you　peruse　this　plain　narration　，　what
an　impression　the　circumstance　has　made　upon　me　！　But　it　was　related
to　me　by　Albert　with　as　much　calmness　as　you　will　probably　peruse　it。

　　DECEMBER　4。　I　implore　your　attention。　It　is　all　over　with　me。　I　can
support　this　state　no　longer。　To…day　I　was　sitting　by　Charlotte。　She　was
playing　upon　her　piano　a　succession　of　delightful　melodies，　with　such
intense　expression！　Her　little　sister　was　dressing　her　doll　upon　my　lap。
The　tears　came　into　my　eyes。　I　leaned　down，　and　looked　intently　at　her
wedding…ring：　my　tears　fell——　immediately　she　began　to　play　that　favourite，
that　divine　，　air　which　has　so　often　enchanted　me。　I　felt　fort　from
a　recollection　of　the　past，　of　those　bygone　days　when　that　air　was　familiar
to　me　；　and　then　I　recalled　all　the　sorrows　and　the　disappointments　which
I　had　since　endured。　I　paced　with　hasty　strides　through　the　room，　my
heart　became　convulsed　with　painful　emotions。　At　length　I　went　up　to　her，
and　exclaimed　With　eagerness，　〃For　Heaven's　sake　，　play　that　air　no
longer！〃　She　stopped　，　and　looked　steadfastly　at　me。　She　then　said，
with　a　smile　which　sunk　deep　into　my　heart，　〃Werther　，　you　are　ill：
your　dearest　food　is　distasteful　to　you。　But　go　，　I　entreat　you，　and
endeavour　to　pose　yourself。〃　I　tore　myself　away。　God　，　thou　seest
my　torments　，　and　wilt　end　them！

　　DECEMBER　6。　How　her　image　haunts　me　！　Waking　or　asleep　，　she　fills
my　entire　soul！　Soon　as　I　close　my　eyes，　here　，　in　my　brain，　where
all　the　nerves　of　vision　are　concentrated　，　her　dark　eyes　are　imprinted。
Here——　I　do　not　know　how　to　describe　it　；　but，　if　I　shut　my　eyes，
hers　are　immediately　before　me：　dark　as　an　abyss　they　open　upon　me　，
and　absorb　my　senses。

　　And　what　is　man　——　that　boasted　demigod　？　Do　not　his　powers　fail
when　he　most　requires　their　use　？　And　whether　he　soar　in　joy　，　or　sink
in　sorrow　，　is　not　his　career　in　both　inevitably　arrested？　And，　whilst
he　fondly　dreams　that　he　is　grasping　at　infinity，　does　he　not　feel　pelled
to　return　to　a　consciousness　of　his　cold，　monotonous　existence　？

　　THE　EDITOR　TO　THE　READER。

　　It　is　a　matter　of　extreme　regret　that　we　want　original　evidence　of
the　last　remarkable　days　of　our　friend；　and　we　are　，　therefore，　obliged
to　interrupt　the　progress　of　his　correspondence　，　and　to　supply　the　deficiency
by　a　connected　narration。

　　I　have　felt　it　my　duty　to　collect　accurate　information　from　the　mouths
of　persons　well　acquainted　with　his　history。　The　story　is　simple；　and
all　the　accounts　agree，　except　in　some　unimportant　particulars。　It　is
true，　that　，　with　respect　to　the　characters　of　the　persons　spoken　of，
opinions　and　judgments　vary。

　　We　have　only，　then　，　to　relate　conscientiously　the　facts　which　our
diligent　labour　has　enabled　us　to　collect　，　to　give　the　letters　of　the
deceased，　and　to　pay　particular　attention　to　the　slightest　fragment　from
his　pen　，　more　especially　as　it　is　so　difficult　to　discover　the　real
and　correct　motives　of　men　who　are　not　of　the　mon　order。

　　Sorrow　and　discontent　had　taken　deep　root　in　Werther's　soul　，　and
gradually　imparted　their　character　to　his　whole　being。　The　harmony　of
his　mind　became　pletely　disturbed；　a　perpetual　excitement　and　mental
irritation，　which　weakened　his　natural　powers，　produced　the　saddest
etfects　upon　him，　and　rendered　him　at　length　the　victim　of　an　exhaustion
against　which　he　struggled　with　still　more　painful　efforts　than　he　had
displayed　，　even　in　contending　with　his　other　misfortunes。　His　mental
anxiety　weakened　his　various　good　qualities　；　and　he　was　soon　converted
into　a　gloomy　panion　，　always　unhappy　and　unjust　in　his　ideas　，　the
more　wretched　he　became。　This　was　，　at　least　，　the　opinion　of　Albert's
friends。　They　assert，　moreover　，　that　the　character　of　Albert　himself
had　undergone　no　change　in　the　meantime　：　he　was　still　the　same　being
whom　Werther　had　loved，　honoured　，　and　respected　from　the　mencement。
His　love　for　Charlotte　was　unbounded：　he　was　proud　of　her，　and　desired
that　she　should　be　recognised　by　every　one　as　the　noblest　of　created　beings。
Was　he，　however，　to　blame　for　wishing　to　avert　from　her　every　appearance
of　suspicion？　or　for　his　unwillingness　to　share　his　rich　prize　with　another，
even　for　a　moment　，　and　in　the　most　innocent　manner？　It　is　asserted
that　Albert　frequently　retired　from　his　wife's　apartment　during　Werther's
visits；　but　this　did　not　arise　from　hatred　or　aversion　to　his　friend　，
but　only　from　a　feeling　that　his　presence　was　oppressive　to　Werther。

　　Charlotte's　father，　who　was　confined　to　the　house　by　indisposition，
was　accustomed　to　send　his　carriage　for　her　，　that　she　might　make　excursions
in　the　neighbourhood。　One　day　the　weather　had　been　unusually　severe　，
and　the　whole　country　was　covered　with　snow。

　　Werther　went　for　Charlotte　the　following　morning，　in　order　that，
if　Albert　were　absent　，　he　might　conduct　her　home。

　　The　beautiful　weather　produced　but　little　impression　on　his　troubled
spirit。　A　heavy　weight　lay　upon　his　soul，　deep　melancholy　had　taken　possession
of　him，　and　his　mind　knew　no　change　save　from　one　painful　thought　to
another。

　　As　he　now　never　enjoyed　internal　peace，　the　condition　of　his　fellow
creatures　was　to　him　a　perpetual　source　of　trouble　and　distress。　He　believed
he　had　disturbed　the　happiness　of　Albert　and　his　wife　；　and，　whilst
he　censured　himself　strongly　for　this　，　he　began　to　entertain　a　secret
dislike　to　Albert。

　　His　thoughts　were　occasionally　directed　to　this　point。　〃Yes　，〃　he
would　repeat　to　himself　，　with　ill…concealed　dissatisfaction　，　〃yes　，
this　is　，　after　all，　the　extent　of　that　confiding　，　dear　，　tender　，
and　sympathetic　love，　that　calm　and　eternal　fidelity　！　What　do　I　behold
but　satiety　and　indifference？　Does　not　every　frivolous　engagement　attract
him　more　than　his　charming　and　lovely　wife？　Does　he　know　how　to　prize
his　happiness　？　Can　he　value　her　as　she　deserves　？　He　possesses　her　，
it　is　true，　I　know　that，　as　I　know　much　more，　and　I　have　bee　accustomed
to　the　thought　that　he　will　drive　me　mad，　or　，　perhaps，　murder　me。
Is　his　friendship　toward　me　unimpaired？　Does　he　not　view　my　attachment
to　Charlotte　as　an　infringement　upon　his　rights　，　and　consider　my　attention
to　her　as　a　silent　rebuke　to　himself？　I　know　，　and　indeed　feel，　that
he　dislikes　me，　that　he　wishes　for　my　absence，　that　my　presence　is　hateful
to　him。〃

　　He　would　often　pause　when　on　his　way　to　visit　Charlotte　，　stand　still，
as　though　in　doubt，　and　seem　desirous　of　returning　，　but　would　nevertheless
proceed　；　and，　engaged　in　such　thoughts　and　soliloquies　as　we　have　described，
he　finally　reached　the　hunting…lodge，　with　a　sort　of　involuntary　consent。

　　Upon　one　occasion　he　entered　the　house；　and，　inquiring　for　Charlotte，
he　observed　that　the　inmates　were　in　a　state　of　unusual　confusion。　The
eldest　boy　informed　him　that　a　dreadful　misfortune　had　occurred　at　Walheim，
——　that　a　peasant　had　been　murdered　！　But　this　made　little　impression
upon　him。　Entering　the　apartment，　he　found　Charlotte　engaged　reasoning
with　her　f