少年维特的烦恼-第19章

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impart　strength　to　the　feeble　and　fort　to　the　afflicted，　but　does
it　affect　all　men　equally　？　Consider　this　vast　universe：　you　will　see
thousands　for　whom　it　has　never　existed　，　thousands　for　whom　it　will
never　exist　，　whether　it　be　preached　to　them　，　or　not　；　and　must　it，
then，　necessarily　exist　for　me　？　Does　not　the　Son　of　God　himself　say
that　they　are　his　whom　the　Father　has　given　to　him？　Have　I　been　given
to　him？　What　if　the　Father　will　retain　me　for　himself，　as　my　heart　sometimes
suggests？　I　pray　you　，　do　not　misinterpret　this。　Do　not　extract　derision
from　my　harmless　words。　I　pour　out　my　whole　soul　before　you。　Silence　were
otherwise　preferable　to　me，　but　I　need　not　shrink　from　a　subject　of　which
few　know　more　than　I　do　myself。　What　is　the　destiny　of　man，　but　to　fill
up　the　measure　of　his　sufferings，　and　to　drink　his　allotted　cup　of　bitterness？
And　if　that　same　cup　proved　bitter　to　the　God　of　heaven　，　under　a　human
form，　why　should　I　affect　a　foolish　pride，　and　call　it　sweet？　Why　should
I　be　ashamed　of　shrinking　at　that　fearful　moment，　when　my　whole　being
will　tremble　between　existence　and　annihilation　，　when　a　remembrance
of　the　past　，　like　a　flash　of　lightning，　will　illuminate　the　dark　gulf
of　futurity　，　when　everything　shall　dissolve　around　me　，　and　the　whole
world　vanish　away　？　Is　not　this　the　voice　of　a　creature　oppressed　beyond
all　resource，　self…deficient　，　about　to　plunge　into　inevitable　destruction，
and　groaning　deeply　at　its　inadequate　strength，　〃My　God！　my　God　！　why
hast　thou　forsaken　me　？〃　And　should　I　feel　ashamed　to　utter　the　same
expression？　Should　I　not　shudder　at　a　prospect　which　had　its　fears　，
even　for　him　who　folds　up　the　heavens　like　a　garment？

　　NOVEMBER　21。　She　does　not　feel，　she　does　not　know，　that　she　is　preparing
a　poison　which　will　destroy　us　both　；　and　I　drink　deeply　of　the　draught
which　is　to　prove　my　destruction。　What　mean　those　looks　of　kindness　with
which　she　often　——　often？　no　，　not　often，　but　sometimes，　regards
me，　that　placency　with　which　she　hears　the　involuntary　sentiments
which　frequently　escape　me，　and　the　tender　pity　for　my　sufferings　which
appears　in　her　countenance？

　　Yesterday　，　when　I　took　leave　she　seized　me　by　the　hand，　and　said，
〃Adieu，　dear　Werther。〃　Dear　Werther！　It　was　the　first　time　she　ever
called　me　dear：　the　sound　sunk　deep　into　my　heart。　I　have　repeated　it
a　hundred　times　；　and　last　night　，　on　going　to　bed，　and　talking　to
myself　of　various　things，　I　suddenly　said，　〃Good　night，　dear　Werther
！〃　and　then　could　not　but　laugh　at　myself。

　　NOVEMBER　22。　I　cannot　pray，　〃Leave　her　to　me　！〃　and　yet　she　often
seems　to　belong　to　me。　I　cannot　pray，　〃Give　her　to　me！〃　for　she　is　another's。
In　this　way　I　affect　mirth　over　my　troubles　；　and，　if　I　had　time，　I
could　pose　a　whole　litany　of　antitheses。

　　NOVEMBER　24。　She　is　sensible　of　my　sufferings。　This　morning　her　look
pierced　my　very　soul。　I　found　her　alone　，　and　she　was　silent　：　she　steadfastly
surveyed　me。　I　no　longer　saw　in　her　face　the　charms　of　beauty　or　the　fire
of　genius　：　these　had　disappeared。　But　I　was　affected　by　an　expression
much　more　touching，　a　look　of　the　deepest　sympathy　and　of　the　softest
pity。　Why　was　I　afraid　to　throw　myself　at　her　feet？　Why　did　I　not　dare
to　take　her　in　my　arms，　and　answer　her　by　a　thousand　kisses？　She　had
recourse　to　her　piano　for　relief，　and　in　a　low　and　sweet　voice　acpanied
the　music　with　delicious　sounds。　Her　lips　never　appeared　so　lovely：　they
seemed　but　just　to　open　，　that　they　might　imbibe　the　sweet　tones　which
issued　from　the　instrument，　and　return　the　heavenly　vibration　from　her
lovely　mouth。　Oh！　who　can　express　my　sensations？　I　was　quite　overe，
and　，　bending　down　，　pronounced　this　vow：　〃Beautiful　lips，　which　the
angels　guard，　never　will　I　seek　to　profane　your　purity　with　a　kiss。〃
And　yet　，　my　friend，　oh　，　I　wish　——　but　my　heart　is　darkened　by　doubt
and　indecision——　could　I　but　taste　felicity　，　and　then　die　to　expiate
the　sin　！　What　sin　？

　　NOVEMBER　26。　Oftentimes　I　say　to　myself　，　〃Thou　alone　art　wretched
：　all　other　mortals　are　happy，　none　are　distressed　like　thee！〃　Then
I　read　a　passage　in　an　ancient　poet　，　and　I　seem　to　understand　my　own
heart。　I　have　so　much　to　endure　！　Have　men　before　me　ever　been　so　wretched？

　　NOVEMBER　30。　I　shall　never　be　myself　again！　Wherever　I　go，　some
fatality　occurs　to　distract　me。　Even　to…day　alas——　for　our　destiny！
alas　for　human　nature　！

　　About　dinner…time　I　went　to　walk　by　the　river…side，　for　I　had　no
appetite。　Everything　around　seemed　gloomy　：　a　cold　and　damp　easterly
wind　blew　from　the　mountains，　and　black，　heavy　clouds　spread　over　the
plain。　I　observed　at　a　distance　a　man　in　a　tattered　coat：　he　was　wandering
among　the　rocks　，　and　seemed　to　be　looking　for　plants。　When　I　approached，
he　turned　round　at　the　noise；　and　I　saw　that　he　had　an　interesting　countenance
in　which　a　settled　melancholy　，　strongly　marked　by　benevolence　，　formed
the　principal　feature。　His　long　black　hair　was　divided，　and　flowed　over
his　shoulders。　As　his　garb　betokened　a　person　of　the　lower　order，　I　thought
he　would　not　take　it　ill　if　I　inquired　about　his　business　；　and　I　therefore
asked　what　he　was　seeking。　He　replied　，　with　a　deep　sigh　，　that　he　was
looking　for　flowers　，　and　could　find　none。　〃But　it　is　not　the　season　，
〃　I　observed，　with　a　smile。　〃Oh，　there　are　so　many　flowers！〃　he　answered，
as　he　came　nearer　to　me。　〃In　my　garden　there　are　roses　and　honeysuckles
of　two　sorts：　one　sort　was　given　to　me　by　my　father！　they　grow　as　plentifully
as　weeds；　I　have　been　looking　for　them　these　two　days，　and　cannot　find
them。　There　are　flowers　out　there　，　yellow　，　blue　，　and　red；　and　that
centaury　has　a　very　pretty　blossom：　but　I　can　find　none　of　them。〃　I　observed
his　peculiarity　，　and　therefore　asked　him，　with　an　air　of　indifference，
what　he　intended　to　do　with　his　flowers。　A　strange　smile　overspread　his
countenance。　Holding　his　finger　to　his　mouth，　he　expressed　a　hope　that
I　would　not　betray　him；　and　he　then　informed　me　that　he　had　promised
to　gather　a　nosegay　for　his　mistress。　〃That　is　right，〃　said　I。　〃Oh　！
〃　he　replied，　〃she　possesses　many　other　things　as　well　：　she　is　very
rich。〃　〃And　yet　，〃　I　continued　，　〃she　likes　your　nosegays。〃　〃Oh　，　she
has　jewels　and　crowns　！〃　he　exclaimed。　I　asked　who　she　was。　〃If　the　states…general
would　but　pay　me，〃　he　added，　〃I　should　be　quite　another　man。　Alas　！
there　was　a　time　when　I　was　so　happy；　but　that　is　past　，　and　I　am　now
——〃　He　raised　his　swimming　eyes　to　heaven。　〃And　you　were　happy　once　？
〃　I　observed。　〃Ah　，　would　I　were　so　still！〃　was　his　reply。　〃I　was　then
as　gay　and　contented　as　a　man　can　be。〃　An　old　woman　，　who　was　ing
toward　us　，　now　called　out　，　〃Henry　，　Henry！　where　are　you？　We　have
been　looking　for　you　everywhere　：　e　to　dinner。〃　〃Is　he　your　son　？
〃　I　inquired，　as　I　went　toward　her。　〃Yes　，〃　she　said：　〃he　is　my　poor，
unfortunate　son。　The　Lord　has　sent　me　a　heavy　affliction。〃　I　asked　whether
he　had　been　long　in　this　state。　She　answered，　〃He　has　been　as　calm　as
he　is　at　present　for　about　six　months。　I　thank　Heaven　that　he　has　so　far
recovered　：　he　was　for　one　whole　year　quite　raving　，　and　chained　down
in　a　madhouse。　Now　he　injures　no　one，　but　talks　of　nothing　else　than
kings　and　queens。　He　used　to　be　a　very　good　，　quiet　youth，　and　helped
to　maintain　me；　he　wrote　a　very　fine　hand；　but　all　at　once　he　became
melancholy，　was　seized　with　a　violent　fever，　grew　distracted，　and　is
now　as　you　see。　If　I　were　only　to　tell　you，　sir——〃　I　interrupted　her
by　asking　what　period　it　was　in　which　he　boasted　of　having　been　so　happy。
〃Poor　boy　！〃　she　exclaimed　，　with　a　smile　of　cormpassion，　〃he　means
the　time　when　he　was　pletely　deranged，　a　time　he　never　ceases　to　regret，
when　he　was　in　the　madhouse　，　and　unconscious　of　everything。〃　I　was　thunderstruck
：　I　placed　a　piece　of　money　in　her　hand，　and　hastened　away。

　　〃You　were　happy　！〃　I　exclaimed　，　as　I　returned　quickly　to　the　town，
〃'as　gay　and　contented　as　a　man　can　be！'〃　God　of　heaven！　and　is　this
the　destiny　of　man？　Is　he　only　happy　before　he　has　acquired　his　reason，
or　after　he　has　lost　it　？　Unfortunate　being！　And　yet　I　envy　your　fate
：　I　envy　the　delusion　to　which　you　are　a　victim。　You　go　forth　with　joy
to　gather　flowers　for　your　princess　，——　in　winter，——　and　grieve
when　you　can　find　none，　and　cannot　understand　why　they　do　not　grow。　But
I　wander　forth　without　joy，　without　hope　，　without　design　；　and　I　return
as　I　came。　You　fancy　what　a　man　you　would　be　if　the　states　general　paid
you。　Happy　mortal　，　who　can　ascribe　your　wretchedness　to　an　earthly　cause！
You　do　not　know　，　you　do　not　feel，　that　in　your　own　distracted　heart
and　disordered　brain　dwells　the　source　of　that　unhappiness　which　all　the
potentates　on　earth　cannot　relieve。

　　Let　that　man　die　unconsoled　who　can　deride　the　invalid　for　undertaking
a　journey　to　distant，　healthful　springs，　where　he　often　finds　only　a
heavier　disease　and　a　more　painful　death，　or　who　can　exult　over　the　despairi