少年维特的烦恼-第12章

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objects　are　of　no　account　，　except　as　they　relate　to　her。　In　this　dreamy
state　I　enjoy　many　happy　hours，　till　at　length　I　feel　pelled　to　tear
myself　away　from　her。　Ah，　Wilhelm，　to　what　does　not　my　heart　often　pel
me！　When　I　have　spent　several　hours　in　her　pany　，　till　I　feel　pletely
absorbed　by　her　figure，　her　grace，　the　divine　expression　of　her　thoughts，
my　mind　bees　gradually　excited　to　the　highest　excess　，　my　sight　grows
dim　，　my　hearing　confused，　my　breathing　oppressed　as　if　by　the　hand
of　a　murderer　，　and　my　beating　heart　seeks　to　obtain　relief　for　my　aching
senses。　I　am　sometimes　unconscious　whether　I　really　exist。　If　in　such
moments　I　find　no　sympathy，　and　Charlotte　does　not　allow　me　to　enjoy
the　melancholy　consolation　of　bathing　her　hand　with　my　tears，　I　feel
pelled　to　tear　myself　from　her　，　when　I　either　wander　through　the
country　，　climb　some　precipitous　cliff　，　or　force　a　path　through　the
trackless　thicket　，　where　I　am　lacerated　and　torn　by　thorns　and　briers
；　and　thence　I　find　relief。　Sometimes　I　lie　stretched　on　the　ground，
overe　with　fatigue　and　dying　with　thirst　；　sometimes，　late　in　the
night　，　when　the　moon　shines　above　me，　I　recline　against　an　aged　tree
in　some　sequestered　forest，　to　rest　my　weary　limbs　，　when　，　exhausted
and　worn，　I　sleep　till　break　of　day。　O　Wilhelm　！　the　hermit's　cell，
his　sackcloth　，　and　girdle　of　thorns　would　be　luxury　and　indulgence　pared
with　what　I　suffer。　Adieu　！　I　see　no　end　to　this　wretchedness　except
the　grave。

　　SEPTEMBER　3。　I　must　away。　Thank　you　，　Wilhelm，　for　determining　my
wavering　purpose。　For　a　whole　fortnight　I　have　thought　of　leaving　her。
I　must　away。　She　has　returned　to　town　，　and　is　at　the　house　of　a　friend。
And　then，　Albert　——　yes，　I　must　go。

　　SEPTEMBER　1O。　Oh，　what　a　night　，　Wilhelm！　I　can　henceforth　bear
anything。　I　shall　never　see　her　again。　Oh　，　why　cannot　I　fall　on　your
neck，　and，　with　floods　of　tears　and　raptures，　give　utterance　to　all
the　passions　which　distract　my　heart！　Here　I　sit　gasping　for　breath，
and　struggling　to　pose　myself。　I　wait　for　day，　and　at　sunrise　the
horses　are　to　be　at　the　door。

　　And　she　is　sleeping　calmly，　little　suspecting　that　she　has　seen　me
for　the　last　time。　I　am　free。　I　have　had　the　courage，　in　an　interview
of　two　hours'　duration，　not　to　betray　my　intention。　And　O　Wilhelm，　what
a　conversation　it　was　！

　　Albert　had　promised　to　e　to　Charlotte　in　the　garden　immediately
after　supper。　I　was　upon　the　terrace　under　the　tall　chestnut　trees，　and
watched　the　setting　sun。　I　saw　him　sink　for　the　last　time　beneath　this
delightful　valley　and　silent　stream。　I　had　often　visited　the　same　spot
with　Charlotte，　and　witnessed　that　glorious　sight；　and　now——　I　was
walking　up　and　down　the　very　avenue　which　was　so　dear　to　me。　A　secret
sympathy　had　frequently　drawn　me　thither　before　I　knew　Charlotte；　and
we　were　delighted　when，　in　our　early　acquaintance，　we　discovered　that
we　each　loved　the　same　spot　，　which　is　indeed　as　romantic　as　any　that
ever　captivated　the　fancy　of　an　artist。

　　From　beneath　the　chestnut　trees　，　there　is　an　extensive　view。　But
I　remember　that　I　have　mentioned　all　this　in　a　former　letter，　and　have
described　the　tall　mass　of　beech　trees　at　the　end　，　and　how　the　avenue
grows　darker　and　darker　as　it　winds　its　way　among　them，　till　it　ends
in　a　gloomy　recess，　which　has　all　the　charm　of　a　mysterious　solitude。
I　still　remember　the　strange　feeling　of　melancholy　which　came　over　me
the　first　time　I　entered　that　dark　retreat，　at　bright　midday。　I　felt
some　secret　foreboding　that　it　would，　one　day，　be　to　me　the　scene　of
some　happiness　or　misery。

　　I　had　spent　half　an　hour　struggling　between　the　contending　thoughts
of　going　and　returning，　when　I　heard　them　ing　up　the　terrace。　I　ran
to　meet　them。　I　trembled　as　I　took　her　hand　，　and　kissed　it。　As　we　reached
the　top　of　the　terrace，　the　moon　rose　from　behind　the　wooded　hill。　We
conversed　on　many　subjects，　and，　without　perceiving　it，　approached
the　gloomy　recess。　Charlotte　entered，　and　sat　down。　Albert　seated　himself
beside　her。　I　did　the　same，　but　my　agitation　did　not　suffer　me　to　remain
long　seated。　I　got　up　，　and　stood　before　her　，　then　walked　backward
and　forward　，　and　sat　down　again。　I　was　restless　and　miserable。　Charlotte
drew　our　attention　to　the　beautiful　effect　of　the　moonlight　，　which　threw
a　silver　hue　over　the　terrace　in　front　of　us，　beyond　the　beech　trees。
It　was　a　glorious　sight　，　and　was　rendered　more　striking　by　the　darkness
which　surrounded　the　spot　where　we　were。　We　remained　for　some　time　silent，
when　Charlotte　observed　，　〃Whenever　I　walk　by　moonlight，　it　brings　to
my　remembrance　all　my　beloved　and　departed　friends，　and　I　am　filled　with
thoughts　of　death　and　futurity。　We　shall　live　again　，　Werther！〃　she
continued　，　with　a　firm　but　feeling　voice；　〃but　shall　we　know　one　another
again　what　do　you　think　？　what　do　you　say？〃

　　〃Charlotte，〃　I　said，　as　I　took　her　hand　in　mine　，　and　my　eyes　filled
with　tears，　〃we　shall　see　each　other　again　——　here　and　hereafter　we
shall　meet　again。〃　I　could　say　no　more。　Why　，　Wilhelm，　should　she　put
this　question　to　me　，　just　at　the　monent　when　the　fear　of　our　cruel　separation
filled　my　heart　？

　　〃And　oh　！　do　those　departed　ones　know　how　we　are　employed　here　？
do　they　know　when　we　are　well　and　happy　？　do　they　know　when　we　recall
their　memories　with　the　fondest　love？　In　the　silent　hour　of　evening　the
shade　of　my　mother　hovers　around　me　；　when　seated　in　the　midst　of　my
children，　I　see　them　assembled　near　me　，　as　they　used　to　assemble　near
her　；　and　then　I　raise　my　anxious　eyes　to　heaven　，　and　wish　she　could
look　down　upon　us　，　and　witness　how　I　fulfil　the　promise　I　made　to　her
in　her　last　moments　，　to　be　a　mother　to　her　children。　With　what　emotion
do　I　then　exclaim　，　'Pardon，　dearest　of　mothers　，　pardon　me，　if　I
do　not　adequately　supply　your　place　！　Alas　！　I　do　my　utmost。　They　are
clothed　and　fed　；　and，　still　better　，　they　are　loved　and　educated。
Could　you　but　see　，　sweet　saint！　the　peace　and　harmony　that　dwells　amongst
us，　you　would　glorify　God　with　the　warmest　feelings　of　gratitude　，　to
whom，　in　your　last　hour，　you　addressed　such　fervent　prayers　for　our
happiness。'〃　Thus　did　she　express　herself　；　but　O　Wilhelm！　who　can　do
justice　to　her　language　？　how　can　cold　and　passionless　words　convey　the
heavenly　expressions　of　the　spirit？　Albert　interrupted　her　gently。　〃This
affects　you　too　deeply，　my　dear　Charlotte。　I　know　your　soul　dwells　on
such　recollections　wlth　intense　delight　；　but　I　implore——　〃　〃O　Albert！
〃　she　continued　，　〃I　am　sure　you　do　not　forget　the　evenings　when　we　three
used　to　sit　at　the　little　round　table　，　when　papa　was　absent　，　and　the
little　ones　had　retired。　You　often　had　a　good　book　with　you　，　but　seldom
read　it　；　the　conversation　of　that　noble　being　was　preferable　to　everything，
——　that　beautiful　，　bright　，　gentle　，　and　yet　ever…toiling　woman。
God　alone　knows　how　I　have　supplicated　with　tears　on　my　nightly　couch　，
that　I　might　be　like　her。〃

　　I　threw　myself　at　her　feet，　and，　seizing　her　hand　，　bedewed　it
with　a　thousand　tears。　〃Charlotte　！〃　I　exclaimed　，　〃God's　blessing　and
your　mother's　spirit　are　upon　you。〃　〃Oh　！　that　you　had　known　her　，〃
she　said，　with　a　warm　pressure　of　the　hand。　〃She　was　worthy　of　being
known　to　you。〃　I　thought　I　should　have　fainted：　never　had　I　received
praise　so　flattering。　She　continued　，　〃And　yet　she　was　doomed　to　die
in　the　flower　of　her　youth，　when　her　youngest　child　was　scarcely　six
months　old。　Her　illness　was　but　short　，　but　she　was　calm　and　resigned
；　and　it　was　only　for　her　children　，　especially　the　youngest，　that
she　felt　unhappy。　When　her　end　drew　nigh，　she　bade　me　bring　them　to　her。
I　obeyed。　The　younger　ones　knew　nothing　of　their　approaching　loss　，　while
the　elder　ones　were　quite　overe　with　grief。　They　stood　around　the　bed
；　and　she　raised　her　feeble　hands　to　heaven，　and　prayed　over　them　；
then，　kissing　them　in　turn　，　she　dismissed　them　，　and　said　to　me　，
'Be　you　a　mother　to　them。'　I　gave　her　my　hand。　'You　are　promising　much，
my　child，'　she　said：　'a　mother's　fondness　and　a　mother's　care　！　I　have
often　witnessed　，　by　your　tears　of　gratitude　，　that　you　know　what　is
a　mother's　tenderness　：　show　it　to　your　brothers　and　sisters　，　and　be
dutiful　and　faithful　to　your　father　as　a　wife　；　you　will　be　his　fort。'
She　inquired　for　him。　He　had　retired　to　conceal　his　intolerable　anguish，
——　he　was　heartbroken　，　〃Albert，　you　were　in　the　room。　She　heard　some
one　moving：　she　inquired　who　it　was，　and　desired　you　to　approach。　She
surveyed　us　both　with　a　look　of　posure　and　satisfaction，　expressive
of　her　conviction　that　we　should　be　happy　，——　happy　with　one　another。〃
Albert　fell　upon　her　neck　，　and　kissed　her　，　and　exclaimed，　〃We　are
so，　and　we　shall　be　so　！〃　Even　Albert　，　generally　so　tranquil，　had
quite　lost　his　posure；　and　I　was　excited　beyond　expression。

　　〃And　such　a　being　，〃　She　continued　，　〃was　to　leave　us　，　Werther！
Great　God　，　must　we　thus　part　with　everything　we　hold　de