The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第90章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


heart…wearying　task　that　she　loathed。　And　the　work　got　worse　and
worse。　When　she　tried　to　flatter　herself　that　the　position
grew　more　alive；　more　interesting；　she　had　to　see　that　the
handwriting　grew　more　and　more　slovenly；　the　books　more　filthy
and　disgraceful。　She　tried　what　she　could；　but　it　was　of　no　use。
But　she　was　not　going　to　take　it　seriously。　Why　should　she？　Why
should　she　say　to　herself；　that　it　mattered；　if　she　failed　to
teach　a　class　to　write　perfectly　neatly？　Why　should　she　take　the
blame　unto　herself？

Pay　day　came；　and　she　received　four　pounds　two　shillings　and
one　penny。　She　was　very　proud　that　day。　She　had　never　had　so
much　money　before。　And　she　had　earned　it　all　herself。　She　sat　on
the　top　of　the　tram…car　fingering　the　gold　and　fearing　she　might
lose　it。　She　felt　so　established　and　strong；　because　of　it。　And
when　she　got　home　she　said　to　her　mother：

〃It　is　pay　day　to…day；　mother。〃

〃Ay；〃　said　her　mother；　coolly。

Then　Ursula　put　down　fifty　shillings　on　the　table。

〃That　is　my　board；〃　she　said。

〃Ay；〃　said　her　mother；　letting　it　lie。

Ursula　was　hurt。　Yet　she　had　paid　her　scot。　She　was　free。　She
paid　for　what　she　had。　There　remained　moreover　thirty…two
shillings　of　her　own。　She　would　not　spend　any；　she　who　was
naturally　a　spendthrift；　because　she　could　not　bear　to　damage
her　fine　gold。

She　had　a　standing　ground　now　apart　from　her　parents。　She　was
something　else　besides　the　mere　daughter　of　William　and　Anna
Brangwen。　She　was　independent。　She　earned　her　own　living。　She
was　an　important　member　of　the　working　munity。　She　was　sure
that　fifty　shillings　a　month　quite　paid　for　her　keep。　If　her
mother　received　fifty　shillings　a　month　for　each　of　the
children；　she　would　have　twenty　pounds　a　month　and　no　clothes　to
provide。　Very　well　then。

Ursula　was　independent　of　her　parents。　She　now　adhered
elsewhere。　Now；　the　'Board　of　Education'　was　a　phrase　that　rang
significant　to　her；　and　she　felt　Whitehall　far　beyond　her　as　her
ultimate　home。　In　the　government；　she　knew　which　minister　had
supreme　control　over　Education；　and　it　seemed　to　her　that；　in
some　way；　he　was　connected　with　her；　as　her　father　was　connected
with　her。

She　had　another　self；　another　responsibility。　She　was　no
longer　Ursula　Brangwen；　daughter　of　William　Brangwen。　She　was
also　Standard　Five　teacher　in　St。　Philip's　School。　And　it　was　a
case　now　of　being　Standard　Five　teacher；　and　nothing　else。　For
she　could　not　escape。

Neither　could　she　succeed。　That　was　her　horror。　As　the　weeks
passed　on；　there　was　no　Ursula　Brangwen；　free　and　jolly。　There
was　only　a　girl　of　that　name　obsessed　by　the　fact　that　she　could
not　manage　her　class　of　children。　At　week…ends　there　came　days
of　passionate　reaction；　when　she　went　mad　with　the　taste　of
liberty；　when　merely　to　be　free　in　the　morning；　to　sit　down　at
her　embroidery　and　stitch　the　coloured　silks　was　a　passion　of
delight。　For　the　prison　house　was　always　awaiting　her！　This　was
only　a　respite；　as　her　chained　heart　knew　well。　So　that　she
seized　hold　of　the　swift　hours　of　the　week…end；　and　wrung　the
last　drop　of　sweetness　out　of　them；　in　a　little；　cruel
frenzy。

She　did　not　tell　anybody　how　this　state　was　a　torture　to　her。
She　did　not　confide；　either　to　Gudrun　or　to　her　parents；　how
horrible　she　found　it　to　be　a　school…teacher。　But　when　Sunday
night　came；　and　she　felt　the　Monday　morning　at　hand；　she　was
strung　up　tight　with　dreadful　anticipation；　because　the　strain
and　the　torture　was　near　again。

She　did　not　believe　that　she　could　ever　teach　that　great；
brutish　class；　in　that　brutal　school：　ever；　ever。　And　yet；　if
she　failed；　she　must　in　some　way　go　under。　She　must　admit　that
the　man's　world　was　too　strong　for　her；　she　could　not　take　her
place　in　it；　she　must　go　down　before　Mr。　Harby。　And　all　her　life
henceforth；　she　must　go　on；　never　having　freed　herself　of　the
man's　world；　never　having　achieved　the　freedom　of　the　great
world　of　responsible　work。　Maggie　had　taken　her　place　there；　she
had　even　stood　level　with　Mr。　Harby　and　got　free　of　him：　and　her
soul　was　always　wandering　in　far…off　valleys　and　glades　of
poetry。　Maggie　was　free。　Yet　there　was　something　like　subjection
in　Maggie's　very　freedom。　Mr。　Harby；　the　man；　disliked　the
reserved　woman；　Maggie。　Mr。　Harby；　the　schoolmaster；　respected
his　teacher；　Miss　Schofield。

For　the　present；　however；　Ursula　only　envied　and　admired
Maggie。　She　herself　had　still　to　get　where　Maggie　had　got。　She
had　still　to　make　her　footing。　She　had　taken　up　a　position　on
Mr。　Harby's　ground；　and　she　must　keep　it。　For　he　was　now
beginning　a　regular　attack　on　her；　to　drive　her　away　out　of　his
school。　She　could　not　keep　order。　Her　class　was　a　turbulent
crowd；　and　the　weak　spot　in　the　school's　work。　Therefore　she
must　go；　and　someone　more　useful　must　e　in　her　place；　someone
who　could　keep　discipline。

The　headmaster　had　worked　himself　into　an　obsession　of　fury
against　her。　He　only　wanted　her　gone。　She　had　e；　she　had　got
worse　as　the　weeks　went　on；　she　was　absolutely　no　good。　His
system；　which　was　his　very　life　in　school；　the　oute　of　his
bodily　movement；　was　attacked　and　threatened　at　the　point　where
Ursula　was　included。　She　was　the　danger　that　threatened　his　body
with　a　blow；　a　fall。　And　blindly；　thoroughly；　moving　from　strong
instinct　of　opposition；　he　set　to　work　to　expel　her。

When　he　punished　one　of　her　children　as　he　had　punished　the
boy　Hill；　for　an　offence　against　himself；　he　made　the
punishment　extra　heavy　with　the　significance　that　the　extra
stroke　came　in　because　of　the　weak　teacher　who　allowed　all　these
things　to　be。　When　he　punished　for　an　offence　against　her；　he
punished　lightly；　as　if　offences　against　her　were　not
significant。　Which　all　the　children　knew；　and　they　behaved
accordingly。

Every　now　and　again　Mr。　Harby　would　swoop　down　to　examine
exercise　books。　For　a　whole　hour；　he　would　be　going　round　the
class；　taking　book　after　book；　paring　page　after　page；　whilst
Ursula　stood　aside　for　all　the　remarks　and　fault…finding　to　be
pointed　at　her　through　the　scholars。　It　was　true；　since　she　had
e；　the　position　books　had　grown　more　and　more　untidy；
disorderly；　filthy。　Mr。　Harby　pointed　to　the　pages　done　before
her　regime；　and　to　those　done　after；　and　fell　into　a　passion　of
rage。　Many　children　he　sent　out　to　the　front　with　their　books。
And　after　he　had　thoroughly　gone　through　the　silent　and
quivering　class　he　caned　the　worst　offenders　well；　in　front　of
the　others；　thundering　in　real　passion　of　anger　and　chagrin。

〃Such　a　condition　in　a　class；　I　can't　believe　it！　It　is
simply　disgraceful！　I　can't　think　how　you　have　been　let　to　get
like　it！　Every　Monday　morning　I　shall　e　down　and　examine
these　books。　So　don't　think　that　because　there　is　nobody　paying
any　attention　to　you；　that　you　are　free　to　unlearn　everything
you　ever　learned；　and　go　back　till　you　are　not　fit　for　Standard
Three。　I　shall　examine　all　books　every　Monday〃

Then　in　a　rage；　he　went　away　with　his　cane；　leaving　Ursula　to
confront　a　pale；　quivering　class；　whose　childish　faces　were　shut
in　blank　resentment；　fear；　and　bitterness；　whose　souls　were　full
of　anger　and　contempt　for　her　rather　than　of　the　master；　whose
eyes　looked　at　her　with　the　cold；　inhuman　accusation　of
children。　And　she　could　hardly　make　mechanical　words　to　speak　to
them。　When　she　gave　an　order　they　obeyed　with　an　insolent
off…handedness；　as　if　to　say：　〃As　for　you；　do　you　think　we　would
obey　you；　but　for　the　master？〃　She　sent　the　blubbering；
caned　boys　to　their　seats；　knowing　that　they　too　jeered　at　her
and　her　authority；　holding　her　weakness　responsible　for　what
punishment　had　overtaken　them。　And　she　knew　the　whole　position；
so　that　even　her　horror　of　physical　beating　and　suffering　sank
to　a　deeper　pain；　and　became　a　moral　judgment　upon　her；　worse
than　any　hurt。

She　must；　during　the　next　week；　watch　over　her　books；　and
punish　any　fault。　Her　soul　decided　it　coldly。　Her　personal
desire　was　dead　for　that　day　at　least。　She　must　have　nothing
more　of　herself　in　school。　She　was　to　be　Standard　Five　teacher
only。　That　was　her　duty。　In　school；　she　was　nothing　but　Standard
Five　teacher。　Ursula　Brangwen　must　be　excluded。

So　that；　pale；　shut；　at　last　distant　and　impersonal；　she　saw
no　longer　the　child；　how　his　eyes　danced；　or　how　he　had　a　queer
little　soul　that　could　not　be　bothered　with　shaping　handwriting
so　long　as　he　dashed　down　what　he　thought。　She　saw　no　children；
only　the　task　that　was　to　be　done。　And　keeping　her　eyes　there；
on　the　task；　and　not　on　the　child；　she　was　impersonal　enough　to
punish　where　she　could　otherwise　only　have　sympathized；
understood；　and　condoned；　to　approve　where　she　would　have　been
merely　uninterested　before。　But　her　interest　had　no　place　any
more。

It　was　agony　to　the　impulsive；　bright　girl　of　seventeen　to
bee　distant　and　official；　having　no　personal　relationship
with　the　children。　For　a　few　days；　after　the　agony　of　the
Monday；　she　succeeded；　and　had　some　success　with　her　class。　But
it　was　a　state　not　natural　to　her；　and　she　began　to　relax。

Then　came　another　infliction。　There　were　not　enough　pens　to
go　round　the　class。　She　sent　to　Mr。　Harby　for　more。　He　came　in
person。

〃Not　enough　pen