The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第53章
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She rose in silence; as if acting without a mind; merely
physically。 He seemed to hold her in his will。 Outside it was
still raining。
〃Let's have a walk;〃 he said。 〃I don't mind the rain; do
you?〃
〃No; I don't mind it;〃 she said。
He was alert in every sense and fibre; and yet quite sure and
steady; and lit up; as if transfused。 He had a free sensation of
walking in his own darkness; not in anybody else's world at all。
He was purely a world to himself; he had nothing to do with any
general consciousness。 Just his own senses were supreme。 All the
rest was external; insignificant; leaving him alone with this
girl whom he wanted to absorb; whose properties he wanted to
absorb into his own senses。 He did not care about her; except
that he wanted to overe her resistance; to have her in his
power; fully and exhaustively to enjoy her。
They turned into the dark streets。 He held her umbrella over
her; and put his arm round her。 She walked as if she were
unaware。 But gradually; as he walked; he drew her a little
closer; into the movement of his side and hip。 She fitted in
there very well。 It was a real good fit; to walk with her like
this。 It made him exquisitely aware of his own muscular self。
And his hand that grasped her side felt one curve of her; and it
seemed like a new creation to him; a reality; an absolute; an
existing tangible beauty of the absolute。 It was like a star。
Everything in him was absorbed in the sensual delight of this
one small; firm curve in her body; that his hand; and his whole
being; had lighted upon。
He led her into the Park; where it was almost dark。 He
noticed a corner between two walls; under a great overhanging
bush of ivy。
〃Let us stand here a minute;〃 he said。
He put down the umbrella; and followed her into the corner;
retreating out of the rain。 He needed no eyes to see。 All he
wanted was to know through touch。 She was like a piece of
palpable darkness。 He found her in the darkness; put his arms
round her and his hands upon her。 She was silent and
inscrutable。 But he did not want to know anything about her; he
only wanted to discover her。 And through her clothing; what
absolute beauty he touched。
〃Take your hat off;〃 he said。
Silently; obediently; she shook off her hat and gave herself
to his arms again。 He liked her……he liked the feel of
her……he wanted to know her more closely。 He let his fingers
subtly seek out her cheek and neck。 What amazing beauty and
pleasure; in the dark! His fingers had often touched Anna on the
face and neck like that。 What matter! It was one man who touched
Anna; another who now touched this girl。 He liked best his new
self。 He was given over altogether to the sensuous knowledge of
this woman; and every moment he seemed to be touching absolute
beauty; something beyond knowledge。
Very close; marvelling and exceedingly joyful in their
discoveries; his hands pressed upon her; so subtly; so
seekingly; so finely and desirously searching her out; that she
too was almost swooning in the absolute of sensual knowledge。 In
utter sensual delight she clenched her knees; her thighs; her
loins together! It was an added beauty to him。
But he was patiently working for her relaxation; patiently;
his whole being fixed in the smile of latent gratification; his
whole body electric with a subtle; powerful; reducing force upon
her。 So he came at length to kiss her; and she was almost
betrayed by his insidious kiss。 Her open mouth was too helpless
and unguarded。 He knew this; and his first kiss was very gentle;
and soft; and assuring; so assuring。 So that her soft;
defenseless mouth became assured; even bold; seeking upon his
mouth。 And he answered her gradually; gradually; his soft kiss
sinking in softly; softly; but ever more heavily; more heavily
yet; till it was too heavy for her to meet; and she began to
sink under it。 She was sinking; sinking; his smile of latent
gratification was being more tense; he was sure of her。 He
let the whole force of his will sink upon her to sweep her away。
But it was too great a shock for her。 With a sudden horrible
movement she ruptured the state that contained them both。
〃Don't……don't!〃
It was a rather horrible cry that seemed to e out of her;
not to belong to her。 It was some strange agony of terror crying
out the words。 There was something vibrating and beside herself
in the noise。 His nerves ripped like silk。
〃What's the matter?〃 he said; as if calmly。 〃What's the
matter?〃
She came back to him; but trembling; reservedly this
time。
Her cry had given him gratification。 But he knew he had been
too sudden for her。 He was now careful。 For a while he merely
sheltered her。 Also there had broken a flaw into his perfect
will。 He wanted to persist; to begin again; to lead up to the
point where he had let himself go on her; and then manage more
carefully; successfully。 So far she had won。 And the battle was
not over yet。 But another voice woke in him and prompted him to
let her go……let her go in contempt。
He sheltered her; and soothed her; and caressed her; and
kissed her; and again began to e nearer; nearer。 He gathered
himself together。 Even if he did not take her; he would make her
relax; he would fuse away her resistance。 So softly; softly;
with infinite caressiveness he kissed her; and the whole of his
being seemed to fondle her。 Till; at the verge; swooning at the
breaking point; there came from her a beaten; inarticulate;
moaning cry:
〃Don't……oh; don't!〃
His veins fused with extreme voluptuousness。 For a moment he
almost lost control of himself; and continued automatically。 But
there was a moment of inaction; of cold suspension。 He was not
going to take her。 He drew her to him and soothed her; and
caressed her。 But the pure zest had gone。 She struggled to
herself and realized he was not going to take her。 And then; at
the very last moment; when his fondling had e near again; his
hot living desire despising her; against his cold sensual
desire; she broke violently away from him。
〃Don't;〃 she cried; harsh now with hatred; and she flung her
hand across and hit him violently。 〃Keep off of me。〃
His blood stood still for a moment。 Then the smile came again
within him; steady; cruel。
〃Why; what's the matter?〃 he said; with suave irony。
〃Nobody's going to hurt you。〃
〃I know what you want;〃 she said。
〃I know what I want;〃 he said。 〃What's the odds?〃
〃Well; you're not going to have it off me。〃
〃Aren't I? Well; then I'm not。 It's no use crying about it;
is it?〃
〃No; it isn't;〃 said the girl; rather disconcerted by his
irony。
〃But there's no need to have a row about it。 We can kiss good
night just the same; can't we?〃
She was silent in the darkness。
〃Or do you want your hat and umbrella to go home this
minute?〃
Still she was silent。 He watched her dark figure as she stood
there on the edge of the faint darkness; and he waited。
〃e and say good night nicely; if we're going to say it;〃
he said。
Still she did not stir。 He put his hand out and drew her into
the darkness again。
〃It's warmer in here;〃 he said; 〃a lot cosier。〃
His will had not yet relaxed from her。 The moment of hatred
exhilarated him。
〃I'm going now;〃 she muttered; as he closed his hand over
her。
〃See how well you fit your place;〃 he said; as he drew her to
her previous position; close upon him。 〃What do you want to
leave it for?〃
And gradually the intoxication invaded him again; the zest
came back。 After all; why should he not take her?
But she did not yield to him entirely。
〃Are you a married man?〃 she asked at length。
〃What if I am?〃 he said。
She did not answer。
〃I don't ask you whether you're married or not;〃 he
said。
〃You know jolly well I'm not;〃 she answered hotly。 Oh;
if she could only break away from him; if only she need not
yield to him。
At length her will became cold against him。 She had escaped。
But she hated him for her escape more than for her danger。 Did
he despise her so coldly? And she was in torture of adherence to
him still。
〃Shall I see you next week……next Saturday?〃 he said; as
they returned to the town。 She did not answer。
〃e to the Empire with me……you and Gertie;〃 he
said。
〃I should look well; going with a married man;〃 she said。
〃I'm no less of a man for being married; am I?〃 he said。
〃Oh; it's a different matter altogether with a married man;〃
she said; in a ready…made speech that showed her chagrin。
〃How's that?〃 he asked。
But she would not enlighten him。 Yet she promised; without
promising; to be at the meeting…place next Saturday evening。
So he left her。 He did not know her name。 He caught a train
and went home。
It was the last train; he was very late。 He was not home till
midnight。 But he was quite indifferent。 He had no real relation
with his home; not this man which he now was。 Anna was sitting
up for him。 She saw the queer; absolved look on his face; a sort
of latent; almost sinister smile; as if he were absolved from
his 〃good〃 ties。
〃Where have you been?〃 she asked; puzzled; interested。
〃To the Empire。〃
〃Who with?〃
〃By myself。 I came home with Tom Cooper。〃
She looked at him; and wondered what he had b