The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第46章

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stifling；　when　one　seemed　always　to　be　in　contact　with　the　other
person；　like　a　blood…relation；　was　annulled。　She　denied　it；　this
close　relationship　with　her　young　husband。　He　and　she　were　not
one。　His　heat　was　not　always　to　suffuse　her；　suffuse　her；
through　her　mind　and　her　individuality；　till　she　was　of　one　heat
with　him；　till　she　had　not　her　own　self　apart。　She　wanted　her
own　life。　He　seemed　to　lap　her　and　suffuse　her　with　his　being；
his　hot　life；　till　she　did　not　know　whether　she　were　herself；　or
whether　she　were　another　creature；　united　with　him　in　a　world　of
close　blood…intimacy　that　closed　over　her　and　excluded　her　from
all　the　cool　outside。

She　wanted　her　own；　old；　sharp　self；　detached；　detached；
active　but　not　absorbed；　active　for　her　own　part；　taking　and
giving；　but　never　absorbed。　Whereas　he　wanted　this　strange
absorption　with　her；　which　still　she　resisted。　But　she　was
partly　helpless　against　it。　She　had　lived　so　long　in　Tom
Brangwen's　love；　beforehand。

From　the　Skrebensky's；　they　went　to　Will　Brangwen's　beloved
Lincoln　Cathedral；　because　it　was　not　far　off。　He　had　promised
her；　that　one　by　one；　they　should　visit　all　the　cathedrals　of
England。　They　began　with　Lincoln；　which　he　knew　well。

He　began　to　get　excited　as　the　time　drew　near　to　set　off。
What　was　it　that　changed　him　so　much？　She　was　almost　angry；
ing　as　she　did　from　the　Skrebensky's。　But　now　he　ran　on
alone。　His　very　breast　seemed　to　open　its　doors　to　watch　for　the
great　church　brooding　over　the　town。　His　soul　ran　ahead。

When　he　saw　the　cathedral　in　the　distance；　dark　blue　lifted
watchful　in　the　sky；　his　heart　leapt。　It　was　the　sign　in　heaven；
it　was　the　Spirit　hovering　like　a　dove；　like　an　eagle　over　the
earth。　He　turned　his　glowing；　ecstatic　face　to　her；　his　mouth
opened　with　a　strange；　ecstatic　grin。

〃There　she　is；〃　he　said。

The　〃she〃　irritated　her。　Why　〃she〃？　It　was　〃it〃。　What　was　the
cathedral；　a　big　building；　a　thing　of　the　past；　obsolete；　to
excite　him　to　such　a　pitch？　She　began　to　stir　herself　to
readiness。

They　passed　up　the　steep　hill；　he　eager　as　a　pilgrim　arriving
at　the　shrine。　As　they　came　near　the　precincts；　with　castle　on
one　side　and　cathedral　on　the　other；　his　veins　seemed　to　break
into　fiery　blossom；　he　was　transported。

They　had　passed　through　the　gate；　and　the　great　west　front
was　before　them；　with　all　its　breadth　and　ornament。

〃It　is　a　false　front；〃　he　said；　looking　at　the　golden　stone
and　the　twin　towers；　and　loving　them　just　the　same。　In　a　little
ecstasy　he　found　himself　in　the　porch；　on　the　brink　of　the
unrevealed。　He　looked　up　to　the　lovely　unfolding　of　the　stone。
He　was　to　pass　within　to　the　perfect　womb。

Then　he　pushed　open　the　door；　and　the　great；　pillared　gloom
was　before　him；　in　which　his　soul　shuddered　and　rose　from　her
nest。　His　soul　leapt；　soared　up　into　the　great　church。　His　body
stood　still；　absorbed　by　the　height。　His　soul　leapt　up　into　the
gloom；　into　possession；　it　reeled；　it　swooned　with　a　great
escape；　it　quivered　in　the　womb；　in　the　hush　and　the　gloom　of
fecundity；　like　seed　of　procreation　in　ecstasy。

She　too　was　overe　with　wonder　and　awe。　She　followed　him　in
his　progress。　Here；　the　twilight　was　the　very　essence　of　life；
the　coloured　darkness　was　the　embryo　of　all　light；　and　the　day。
Here；　the　very　first　dawn　was　breaking；　the　very　last　sunset
sinking；　and　the　immemorial　darkness；　whereof　life's　day　would
blossom　and　fall　away　again；　re…echoed　peace　and　profound
immemorial　silence。

Away　from　time；　always　outside　of　time！　Between　east　and
west；　between　dawn　and　sunset；　the　church　lay　like　a　seed　in
silence；　dark　before　germination；　silenced　after　death。
Containing　birth　and　death；　potential　with　all　the　noise　and
transition　of　life；　the　cathedral　remained　hushed；　a　great；
involved　seed；　whereof　the　flower　would　be　radiant　life
inconceivable；　but　whose　beginning　and　whose　end　were　the　circle
of　silence。　Spanned　round　with　the　rainbow；　the　jewelled　gloom
folded　music　upon　silence；　light　upon　darkness；　fecundity　upon
death；　as　a　seed　folds　leaf　upon　leaf　and　silence　upon　the　root
and　the　flower；　hushing　up　the　secret　of　all　between　its　parts；
the　death　out　of　which　it　fell；　the　life　into　which　it　has
dropped；　the　immortality　it　involves；　and　the　death　it　will
embrace　again。

Here　in　the　church；　〃before〃　and　〃after〃　were　folded
together；　all　was　contained　in　oneness。　Brangwen　came　to　his
consummation。　Out　of　the　doors　of　the　womb　he　had　e；　putting
aside　the　wings　of　the　womb；　and　proceeding　into　the　light。
Through　daylight　and　day…after…day　he　had　e；　knowledge　after
knowledge；　and　experience　after　experience；　remembering　the
darkness　of　the　womb；　having　prescience　of　the　darkness　after
death。　Then　between……while　he　had　pushed　open　the　doors　of
the　cathedral；　and　entered　the　twilight　of　both　darkness；　the
hush　of　the　two…fold　silence　where　dawn　was　sunset；　and　the
beginning　and　the　end　were　one。

Here　the　stone　leapt　up　from　the　plain　of　earth；　leapt　up　in
a　manifold；　clustered　desire　each　time；　up；　away　from　the
horizontal　earth；　through　twilight　and　dusk　and　the　whole　range
of　desire；　through　the　swerving；　the　declination；　ah；　to　the
ecstasy；　the　touch；　to　the　meeting　and　the　consummation；　the
meeting；　the　clasp；　the　close　embrace；　the　neutrality；　the
perfect；　swooning　consummation；　the　timeless　ecstasy。　There　his
soul　remained；　at　the　apex　of　the　arch；　clinched　in　the　timeless
ecstasy；　consummated。

And　there　was　no　time　nor　life　nor　death；　but　only　this；　this
timeless　consummation；　where　the　thrust　from　earth　met　the
thrust　from　earth　and　the　arch　was　locked　on　the　keystone　of
ecstasy。　This　was　all；　this　was　everything。　Till　he　came　to
himself　in　the　world　below。　Then　again　he　gathered　himself
together；　in　transit；　every　jet　of　him　strained　and　leaped；
leaped　clear　into　the　darkness　above；　to　the　fecundity　and　the
unique　mystery；　to　the　touch；　the　clasp；　the　consummation；　the
climax　of　eternity；　the　apex　of　the　arch。

She　too　was　overe；　but　silenced　rather　than　tuned　to　the
place。　She　loved　it　as　a　world　not　quite　her　own；　she　resented
his　transports　and　ecstasies。　His　passion　in　the　cathedral　at
first　awed　her；　then　made　her　angry。　After　all；　there　was　the
sky　outside；　and　in　here；　in　this　mysterious　half…night；　when
his　soul　leapt　with　the　pillars　upwards；　it　was　not　to　the　stars
and　the　crystalline　dark　space；　but　to　meet　and　clasp　with　the
answering　impulse　of　leaping　stone；　there　in　the　dusk　and
secrecy　of　the　roof。　The　far…off　clinching　and　mating　of　the
arches；　the　leap　and　thrust　of　the　stone；　carrying　a　great　roof
overhead；　awed　and　silenced　her。

But　yet……yet　she　remembered　that　the　open　sky　was　no
blue　vault；　no　dark　dome　hung　with　many　twinkling　lamps；　but　a
space　where　stars　were　wheeling　in　freedom；　with　freedom　above
them　always　higher。

The　cathedral　roused　her　too。　But　she　would　never　consent　to
the　knitting　of　all　the　leaping　stone　in　a　great　roof　that
closed　her　in；　and　beyond　which　was　nothing；　nothing；　it　was　the
ultimate　confine。　His　soul　would　have　liked　it　to　be　so：　here；
here　is　all；　plete；　eternal：　motion；　meeting；　ecstasy；　and　no
illusion　of　time；　of　night　and　day　passing　by；　but　only
perfectly　proportioned　space　and　movement　clinching　and
renewing；　and　passion　surging　its　way　into　great　waves　to　the
altar；　recurrence　of　ecstasy。

Her　soul　too　was　carried　forward　to　the　altar；　to　the
threshold　of　Eternity；　in　reverence　and　fear　and　joy。　But　ever
she　hung　back　in　the　transit；　mistrusting　the　culmination　of　the
altar。　She　was　not　to　be　flung　forward　on　the　lift　and　lift　of
passionate　flights；　to　be　cast　at　last　upon　the　altar　steps　as
upon　the　shore　of　the　unknown。　There　was　a　great　joy　and　a
verity　in　it。　But　even　in　the　dazed　swoon　of　the　cathedral；　she
claimed　another　right。　The　altar　was　barren；　its　lights　gone
out。　God　burned　no　more　in　that　bush。　It　was　dead　matter　lying
there。　She　claimed　the　right　to　freedom　above　her；　higher　than
the　roof。　She　had　always　a　sense　of　being　roofed　in。

So　that　she　caught　at　little　things；　which　saved　her　from
being　swept　forward　headlong　in　the　tide　of　passion　that　leaps
on　into　the　Infinite　in　a　great　mass；　triumphant　and　flinging
its　own　course。　She　wanted　to　get　out　of　this　fixed；　leaping；
forward…travelling　movement；　to　rise　from　it　as　a　bird　rises
with　wet；　limp　feet　from　the　sea；　to　lift　herself　as　a　bird
lifts　its　breast　and　thrusts　its　body　from　the　pulse　and　heave
of　a　sea　that　bears　it　forward　to　an　unwilling　conclusion；　tear
herself　away　like　a　bird　on　wings；　and　in　open　space　where　there
is　clarity；　rise　up　above　the　fixed；　surcharged　motion；　a
separate　speck　that　hangs　suspended；　moves　this　way　and　that；
seeing　and　answering　before　it　sinks　again；　having　chosen　or
found　the　direction　in　which　it　shall　be　carried　forward。

And　it　was　as　if　she　must　grasp　at　something；　as　if　her　wings
were　too　weak　to　lift　her　straight　off　the　heaving　motion。　So
she　caught　sight　of　the　wicked；　odd　little　faces　carved　in
stone；　and　she　stood　before　them　arrested。

These　sly　little　faces　peeped　out　of　the　grand　tide　of　the
cathedral　like　something　that　knew　better。　They　knew　quite　well；
t