The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第108章

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her　cheeks；　her　mouth　was　working　strangely。

〃What　is　the　matter？〃　he　asked。

After　a　moment's　struggle　with　her　voice。

〃It　is　so　beautiful；〃　she　said；　looking　at　the　glowing；
beautiful　land。　It　was　so　beautiful；　so　perfect；　and　so
unsullied。

He　too　realized　what　England　would　be　in　a　few　hours'
time……a　blind；　sordid；　strenuous　activity；　all　for　nothing；
fuming　with　dirty　smoke　and　running　trains　and　groping　in　the
bowels　of　the　earth；　all　for　nothing。　A　ghastliness　came　over
him。

He　looked　at　Ursula。　Her　face　was　wet　with　tears；　very
bright；　like　a　transfiguration　in　the　refulgent　light。　Nor　was
his　the　hand　to　wipe　away　the　burning；　bright　tears。　He　stood
apart；　overe　by　a　cruel　ineffectuality。

Gradually　a　great；　helpless　sorrow　was　rising　in　him。　But　as
yet　he　was　fighting　it　away；　he　was　struggling　for　his　own　life。
He　became　very　quiet　and　unaware　of　the　things　about　him；
awaiting；　as　it　were；　her　judgment　on　him。

They　returned　to　Nottingham；　the　time　of　her　examination
came。　She　must　go　to　London。　But　she　would　not　stay　with　him　in
an　hotel。　She　would　go　to　a　quiet　little　pension　near　the
British　Museum。

Those　quiet　residential　squares　of　London　made　a　great
impression　on　her　mind。　They　were　very　plete。　Her　mind　seemed
imprisoned　in　their　quietness。　Who　was　going　to　liberate
her？

In　the　evening；　her　practical　examinations　being　over；　he
went　with　her　to　dinner　at　one　of　the　hotels　down　the　river；
near　Richmond。　It　was　golden　and　beautiful；　with　yellow　water
and　white　and　scarlet…striped　boat…awnings；　and　blue　shadows
under　the　trees。

〃When　shall　we　be　married？〃　he　asked　her；　quietly；　simply；　as
if　it　fort。

She　watched　the　changing　pleasure…traffic　of　the　river。　He
looked　at　her　golden；　puzzled　museau。　The　knot　gathered
in　his　throat。

〃I　don't　know；〃　she　said。

A　hot　grief　gripped　his　throat。

〃Why　don't　you　know……don't　you　want　to　be　married？〃　he
asked　her。

Her　head　turned　slowly；　her　face；　puzzled；　like　a　boy's　face；
expressionless　because　she　was　trying　to　think；　looked　towards
his　face。　She　did　not　see　him；　because　she　was　pre…occupied。　She
did　not　quite　know　what　she　was　going　to　say。

〃I　don't　think　I　want　to　be　married；〃　she　said；　and　her
naive；　troubled；　puzzled　eyes　rested　a　moment　on　his；　then
travelled　away；　pre…occupied。

〃Do　you　mean　never；　or　not　just　yet？〃　he　asked。

The　knot　in　his　throat　grew　harder；　his　face　was　drawn　as　if
he　were　being　strangled。

〃I　mean　never；〃　she　said；　out　of　some　far　self　which　spoke
for　once　beyond　her。

His　drawn；　strangled　face　watched　her　blankly　for　a　few
moments；　then　a　strange　sound　took　place　in　his　throat。　She
started；　came　to　herself；　and；　horrified；　saw　him。　His　head　made
a　queer　motion；　the　chin　jerked　back　against　the　throat；　the
curious；　crowing；　hiccupping　sound　came　again；　his　face　twisted
like　insanity；　and　he　was　crying；　crying　blind　and　twisted　as　if
something　were　broken　which　kept　him　in　control。

〃Tony……don't；〃　she　cried；　starting　up。

It　tore　every　one　of　her　nerves　to　see　him。　He　made　groping
movements　to　get　out　of　his　chair。　But　he　was　crying
uncontrollably；　noiselessly；　with　his　face　twisted　like　a　mask；
contorted　and　the　tears　running　down　the　amazing　grooves　in　his
cheeks。　Blindly；　his　face　always　this　horrible　working　mask；　he
groped　for　his　hat；　for　his　way　down　from　the　terrace。　It　was
eight　o'clock；　but　still　brightly　light。　The　other　people　were
staring。　In　great　agitation；　part　of　which　was　exasperation；　she
stayed　behind；　paid　the　waiter　with　a　half…sovereign；　took　her
yellow　silk　coat；　then　followed　Skrebensky。

She　saw　him　walking　with　brittle；　blind　steps　along　the　path
by　the　river。　She　could　tell　by　the　strange　stiffness　and
brittleness　of　his　figure　that　he　was　still　crying。　Hurrying
after　him；　running；　she　took　his　arm。

〃Tony；〃　she　cried；　〃don't！　Why　are　you　like　this？　What　are
you　doing　this　for？　Don't。　It's　not　necessary。〃

He　heard；　and　his　manhood　was　cruelly；　coldly　defaced。　Yet　it
was　no　good。　He　could　not　gain　control　of　his　face。　His　face；
his　breast；　were　weeping　violently；　as　if　automatically。　His
will；　his　knowledge　had　nothing　to　do　with　it。　He　simply　could
not　stop。

She　walked　holding　his　arm；　silent　with　exasperation　and
perplexity　and　pain。　He　took　the　uncertain　steps　of　a　blind　man；
because　his　mind　was　blind　with　weeping。

〃Shall　we　go　home？　Shall　we　have　a　taxi？〃　she　said。

He　could　pay　no　attention。　Very　flustered；　very　agitated；　she
signalled　indefinitely　to　a　taxi…cab　that　was　going　slowly　by。
The　driver　saluted　and　drew　up。　She　opened　the　door　and　pushed
Skrebensky　in；　then　took　her　own　place。　Her　face　was　uplifted；
the　mouth　closed　down；　she　looked　hard　and　cold　and　ashamed。　She
winced　as　the　driver's　dark　red　face　was　thrust　round　upon　her；
a　full…blooded；　animal　face　with　black　eyebrows　and　a　thick；
short…cut　moustache。

〃Where　to；　lady？〃　he　said；　his　white　teeth　showing。　Again　for
a　moment　she　was　flustered。

〃Forty；　Rutland　Square；〃　she　said。

He　touched　his　cap　and　stolidly　set　the　car　in　motion。　He
seemed　to　have　a　league　with　her　to　ignore　Skrebensky。

The　latter　sat　as　if　trapped　within　the　taxi…cab；　his　face
still　working；　whilst　occasionally　he　made　quick　slight
movements　of　the　head；　to　shake　away　his　tears。　He　never　moved
his　hands。　She　could　not　bear　to　look　at　him。　She　sat　with　face
uplifted　and　averted　to　the　window。

At　length；　when　she　had　regained　some　control　over　herself；
she　turned　again　to　him。　He　was　much　quieter。　His　face　was　wet；
and　twitched　occasionally；　his　hands　still　lay　motionless。　But
his　eyes　were　quite　still；　like　a　washed　sky　after　rain；　full　of
a　ost　ghost…like。

A　pain　flamed　in　her　womb；　for　him。

〃I　didn't　think　I　should　hurt　you；〃　she　said；　laying　her　hand
very　lightly；　tentatively；　on　his　arm。　〃The　words　came　without
my　knowing。　They　didn't　mean　anything；　really。〃

He　remained　quite　still；　hearing；　but　washed　all　wan　and
without　feeling。　She　waited；　looking　at　him；　as　if　he　were　some
curious；　not…understandable　creature。

〃You　won't　cry　again；　will　you；　Tony？〃

Some　shame　and　bitterness　against　her　burned　him　in　the
question。　She　noticed　how　his　moustache　was　soddened　wet　with
tears。　Taking　her　handkerchief；　she　wiped　his　face。　The　driver's
heavy；　stolid　back　remained　always　turned　to　them；　as　if
conscious　but　indifferent。　Skrebensky　sat　motionless　whilst
Ursula　wiped　his　face；　softly；　carefully；　and　yet　clumsily；　not
as　well　as　he　would　have　wiped　it　himself。

Her　handkerchief　was　too　small。　It　was　soon　wet　through。　She
groped　in　his　pocket　for　his　own。　Then；　with　its　more　ample
capacity；　she　carefully　dried　his　face。　He　remained　motionless
all　the　while。　Then　she　drew　his　cheek　to　hers　and　kissed　him。
His　face　was　cold。　Her　heart　was　hurt。　She　saw　the　tears　welling
quickly　to　his　eyes　again。　As　if　he　were　a　child；　she　again
wiped　away　his　tears。　By　now　she　herself　was　on　the　point　of
weeping。　Her　underlip　was　caught　between　her　teeth。

So　she　sat　still；　for　fear　of　her　own　tears；　sitting　close　by
him；　holding　his　hand　warm　and　close　and　loving。　Meanwhile　the
car　ran　on；　and　a　soft；　midsummer　dusk　began　to　gather。　For　a
long　while　they　sat　motionless。　Only　now　and　again　her　hand
closed　more　closely；　lovingly；　over　his　hand；　then　gradually
relaxed。

The　dusk　began　to　fall。　One　or　two　lights　appeared。　The
driver　drew　up　to　light　his　lamps。　Skrebensky　moved　for　the
first　time；　leaning　forward　to　watch　the　driver。　His　face　had
always　the　same　still；　clarified；　almost　childlike　look；
impersonal。

They　saw　the　driver's　strange；　full；　dark　face　peering　into
the　lamps　under　drawn　brows。　Ursula　shuddered。　It　was　the　face
almost　of　an　animal　yet　of　a　quick；　strong；　wary　animal　that　had
them　within　its　knowledge；　almost　within　its　power。　She　clung
closer　to　Krebensky。

〃My　love？〃　she　said　to　him；　questioningly；　when　the　car　was
again　running　in　full　motion。

He　made　no　movement　or　sound。　He　let　her　hold　his　hand；　he
let　her　reach　forward；　in　the　gathering　darkness；　and　kiss　his
still　cheek。　The　crying　had　gone　by……he　would　not　cry　any
more。　He　was　whole　and　himself　again。

〃My　love；〃　she　repeated；　trying　to　make　him　notice　her。　But
as　yet　he　could　not。

He　watched　the　road。　They　were　running　by　Kensington　Gardens。
For　the　first　time　his　lips　opened。

〃Shall　we　get　out　and　go　into　the　park；〃　he　asked。

〃Yes；〃　she　said；　quietly；　not　sure　what　was　ing。

After　a　moment　he　took　the　tube　from　its　peg。　She　saw　the
stout；　strong；　self…contained　driver　lean　his　head。

〃Stop　at　Hyde　Park　Corner。〃

The　dark　head　nodded；　the　car　ran　on　just　the　same。

Presently　they　pulled　up。　Skrebensky　paid　the　man。　Ursula
stood　back。　She　saw　the　driver　salute　as　he　received　his　tip；
and　then；　before　he　set　the　car　in　motion；　turn　and　look　at　her；
al's　look；　his　eyes　very
concentrated　and　the　whites　of　his　eyes　flickering。　Then　he
drove　away　into　the　crowd。　He　had　let　her　go。　She　had　been
afraid。

Skrebensky　turned　with　her　into　the　park。　A　band　was　still
playing　and　the　place　was　thronged　with　people。　They　listened　to
the　ebbing　music；　then　went　aside　to　a　dark　seat；　where　they　sat
clos