3A电子书 > 都市电子书 > The Rainbow-虹(英文版) >

第102章

The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第102章

小说: The Rainbow-虹(英文版) 字数: 每页4000字

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!



forces unified; and for what purpose were they unified?

For what purpose were the incalculable physical and chemical
activities nodalized in this shadowy; moving speck under her
microscope? What was the will which nodalized them and created
the one thing she saw? What was its intention? To be itself? Was
its purpose just mechanical and limited to itself?

It intended to be itself。 But what self? Suddenly in her mind
the world gleamed strangely; with an intense light; like the
nucleus of the creature under the microscope。 Suddenly she had
passed away into an intensely…gleaming light of knowledge。 She
could not understand what it all was。 She only knew that it was
not limited mechanical energy; nor mere purpose of
self…preservation and self…assertion。 It was a consummation; a
being infinite。 Self was a oneness with the infinite。 To be
oneself was a supreme; gleaming triumph of infinity。

Ursula sat abstracted over her microscope; in suspense。 Her
soul was busy; infinitely busy; in the new world。 In the new
world; Skrebensky was waiting for her……he would be waiting
for her。 She could not go yet; because her soul was engaged。
Soon she would go。

A stillness; like passing away; took hold of her。 Far off;
down the corridors; she heard the gong booming five o'clock。 She
must go。 Yet she sat still。

The other students were pushing back their stools and putting
their microscopes away。 Everything broke into turmoil。 She saw;
through the window; students going down the steps; with books
under their arms; talking; all talking。

A great craving to depart came upon her。 She wanted also to
be gone。 She was in dread of the material world; and in dread of
her own transfiguration。 She wanted to run to meet
Skrebensky……the new life; the reality。

Very rapidly she wiped her slides and put them back; cleared
her place at the bench; active; active; active。 She wanted to
run to meet Skrebensky; hasten……hasten。 She did not know
what she was to meet。 But it would be a new beginning。 She must
hurry。

She flitted down the corridor on swift feet; her razor and
note…books and pencil in one hand; her pinafore over her arm。
Her face was lifted and tense with eagerness。 He might not be
there。

Issuing from the corridor; she saw him at once。 She knew him
at once。 Yet he was so strange。 He stood with the curious
self…effacing diffidence which so frightened her in well…bred
young men whom she knew。 He stood as if he wished to be unseen。
He was very well…dressed。 She would not admit to herself the
chill like a sunshine of frost that came over her。 This was he;
the key; the nucleus to the new world。

He saw her ing swiftly across the hall; a slim girl in a
white flannel blouse and dark skirt; with some of the
abstraction and gleam of the unknown upon her; and he started;
excited。 He was very nervous。 Other students were loitering
about the hall。

She laughed; with a blind; dazzled face; as she gave him her
hand。 He too could not perceive her。

In a moment she was gone; to get her outdoor things。 Then
again; as when she had been at school; they walked out into the
town to tea。 And they went to the same tea…shop。

She knew a great difference in him。 The kinship was there;
the old kinship; but he had belonged to a different world from
hers。 It was as if they had cried a state of truce between him
and her; and in this truce they had met。 She knew; vaguely; in
the first minute; that they were enemies e together in a
truce。 Every movement and word of his was alien to her
being。

Yet still she loved the fine texture of his face; of his
skin。 He was rather browner; physically stronger。 He was a man
now。 She thought his manliness made the strangeness in him。 When
he was only a youth; fluid; he was nearer to her。 She thought a
man must inevitably set into this strange separateness; cold
otherness of being。 He talked; but not to her。 She tried to
speak to him; but she could not reach him。

He seemed so balanced and sure; he made such a confident
presence。 He was a great rider; so there was about him some of a
horseman's sureness and habitual definiteness of decision; also
some of the horseman's animal darkness。 Yet his soul was only
the more wavering; vague。 He seemed made up of a set of habitual
actions and decisions。 The vulnerable; variable quick of the man
was inaccessible。 She knew nothing of it。 She could only feel
the dark; heavy fixity of his animal desire。

This dumb desire on his part had brought him to her? She was
puzzled; hurt by some hopeless fixity in him; that terrified her
with a cold feeling of despair。 What did he want? His desires
were so underground。 Why did he not admit himself? What did he
want? He wanted something that should be nameless。 She shrank in
fear。

Yet she flashed with excitement。 In his dark; subterranean
male soul; he was kneeling before her; darkly exposing himself。
She quivered; the dark flame ran over her。 He was waiting at her
feet。 He was helpless; at her mercy。 She could take or reject。
If she rejected him; something would die in him。 For him it was
life or death。 And yet; all must be kept so dark; the
consciousness must admit nothing。

〃How long;〃 she said; 〃are you staying in England?〃

〃I am not sure……but not later than July; I believe。〃

Then they were both silent。 He was here; in England; for six
months。 They had a space of six months between them。 He waited。
The same iron rigidity; as if the world were made of steel;
possessed her again。 It was no use turning with flesh and blood
to this arrangement of forged metal。

Quickly; her imagination adjusted itself to the
situation。

〃Have you an appointment in India?〃 she asked。

〃Yes……I have just the six months' leave。〃

〃Will you like being out there?〃

〃I think so……there's a good deal of social life; and
plenty going on……hunting; polo……and always a good
horse……and plenty of work; any amount of work。〃

He was always side…tracking; always side…tracking his own
soul。 She could see him so well out there; in India……one of
the governing class; superimposed upon an old civilization; lord
and master of a clumsier civilization than his own。 It was his
choice。 He would bee again an aristocrat; invested with
authority and responsibility; having a great helpless populace
beneath him。 One of the ruling class; his whole being would be
given over to the fulfilling and the executing of the better
idea of the state。 And in India; there would be real work to do。
The country did need the civilization which he himself
represented: it did need his roads and bridges; and the
enlightenment of which he was part。 He would go to India。 But
that was not her road。

Yet she loved him; the body of him; whatever his decisions
might be。 He seemed to want something of her。 He was waiting for
her to decide of him。 It had been decided in her long ago; when
he had kissed her first。 He was her lover; though good and evil
should cease。 Her will never relaxed; though her heart and soul
must be imprisoned and silenced。 He waited upon her; and she
accepted him。 For he had e back to her。

A glow came into his face; into his fine; smooth skin; his
eyes; gold…grey; glowed intimately to her。 He burned up; he
caught fire and became splendid; royal; something like a tiger。
She caught his brilliant; burnished glamour。 Her heart and her
soul were shut away fast down below; hidden。 She was free of
them。 She was to have her satisfaction。

She became proud and erect; like a flower; putting itself
forth in its proper strength。 His warmth invigorated her。 His
beauty of form; which seemed to glow out in contrast with the
rest of people; made her proud。 It was like deference to her;
and made her feel as if she represented before him all the grace
and flower of humanity。 She was no mere Ursula Brangwen。 She was
Woman; she was the whole of Woman in the human order。
All…containing; universal; how should she be limited to
individuality?

She was exhilarated; she did not want to go away from him。
She had her place by him。 Who should take her away?

They came out of the cafe。

〃Is there anything you would like to do?〃 he said。 〃Is there
anything we can do?〃

It was a dark; windy night in March。

〃There is nothing to do;〃 she said。

Which was the answer he wanted。

〃Let us walk then……where shall we walk?〃 he asked。

〃Shall we go to the river?〃 she suggested; timidly。

In a moment they were on the tram; going down to Trent
Bridge。 She was so glad。 The thought of walking in the dark;
far…reaching water…meadows; beside the full river; transported
her。 Dark water flowing in silence through the big; restless
night made her feel wild。

They crossed the bridge; descended; and went away from the
lights。 In an instant; in the darkness; he took her hand and
they went in silence; with subtle feet treading the darkness。
The town fumed away on their left; there were strange lights and
sounds; the wind rushed against the trees; and under the bridge。
They walked close together; powerful in unison。 He drew her very
close; held her with a subtle; stealthy; powerful passion; as if
they had a secret agreement which held good in the profound
darkness。 The profound darknes

返回目录 上一页 下一页 回到顶部 0 0

你可能喜欢的