高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain-第6章

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　John　feared；　and　that　sometimes　caused　him　to　hate　her。
　　Now　she　saw　him　and　she　asked；　breaking　off　her　conversation　with　Roy：　‘You　hungry；little　sleepyhead？’
　　‘Well！　About　time　you　was　getting　up；’　said　Sarah。
　　He　moved　to　the　table　and　sat　down；　feeling　the　most　bewildering　panic　of　his　life；　a　needto　touch　things；　the　table　and　chairs　and　the　walls　of　the　room；　to　make　certain　that　the　roomexisted　and　that　he　was　in　the　room。　He　did　not　look　at　his　mother；　who　stood　up　and　went　to　thestove　to　heat　his　breakfast。　But　he　asked；　in　order　to　say　something　to　her；　and　to　hear　his　ownvoice：
　　‘What　we　got　for　breakfast？’
　　He　realized；　with　some　shame；　that　he　was　hoping　she　had　prepared　a　special　breakfast　forhim　on　his　birthday。
　　‘What　you　think　we　got　for　breakfast？’　Roy　asked　scornfully。　‘You　got　a　special　cravingfor　something？’
　　　John　looked　at　him。　Roy　was　not　in　a　good　mood。
　　‘I　ain’t　said　nothing　to　you；’　he　said。
　　‘Oh；　I　beg　your　pardon；’　said　Roy；　in　the　shrill；　little…girl　tone　he　knew　John　hated。
　　‘What’s　the　matter　with　you　to…day？’　John　asked；　angry；　and　trying　at　the　same　time　to　lendhis　voice　as　husky　a　pitch　as　possible。
　　‘Don’t　you　let　Roy　bother　you；’　said　their　mother。　‘He　cross　as　two　sticks　this　morning。’
　　‘Yeah；’　said　John；　‘I　reckon。’　He　and　Roy　watched　each　other。　Then　his　plate　was　putbefore　him：　hominy　grits　and　a　scrap　of　bacon。　He　wanted　to　cry；　like　a　child：　‘But；　Mama；　it’s　mybirthday！’　He　kept　his　eyes　on　his　plate　and　began　to　eat。
　　‘You　can　talk　about　your　Daddy　all　you　want　to；’　said　his　mother；　picking　up　her　battlewith　Roy；　‘but　one　thing　you　can’t　say—you　can’t　say　he　ain’t　always　done　his　best　to　be　a　fatherto　you　and　to　see　to　it　that　you　ain’t　never　gone　hungry。’
　　‘I　been　hungry　plenty　of　times；’　Roy　said；　proud　to　be　able　to　score　this　point　against　hismother。
　　‘Wasn’t　his　fault；　then。　Wasn’t　because　he　wasn’t　trying　to　feed　you。　Than　man　shoveledsnow　in　zero　weather　when　he　ought’ve　been　in　bed　just　to　put　food　in　your　belly。’
　　‘Wasn’t　just　my　belly；’　said　Roy　indignantly。　‘He　got　a　belly；　too；　I　know—it’s　a　shame　theway　that　man　eats。　I　sure　ain’t　asked　him　to　shovel　no　snow　for　me。’　But　he　dropped　his　eyes；suspecting　a　flaw　in　his　argument。　‘I　just　don’t　want　him　beating　on　me　all　the　time；’　he　said　atlast。　‘I　ain’t　no　dog。’
　　She　sighed；　and　turned　slightly　away；　looking　out　of　the　window。　‘Your　Daddy　beats　you；’
　　she　said；　‘because　he　loves　you。’
　　Roy　laughed。　‘That　ain’t　the　kind　of　love　I　understand；　old　lady。　What　you　reckon　he’d　doif　he　didn’t　love　me？’
　　‘He’d　let　you　go　right　on；’　she　flashed；　‘right　on　down　to　hell　where　it　looks　like　you　is　justdetermined　to　go　anyhow！　Right　on；　Mister　Man；　till　somebody　puts　a　knife　in　you；　or　takes　youoff　to　jail！’
　　‘Mama；’　John　asked　suddenly；　‘is　Daddy　a　good　man？’
　　He　had　not　known　that　he　was　going　to　ask　the　question；　and　he　watched　in　astonishment　asher　mouth　tightened　and　her　eyes　grew　dark。
　　‘That　ain’t　no　kind　of　question；’　she　said　mildly。　‘You　don’t　know　no　better　men；　do　you？’
　　‘Looks　to　me　like　he’s　a　mighty　good　man；’　said　Sarah。　‘He　sure　is　praying　all　the　time。’
　　‘You　children　is　young；’　their　mother　said；　ignoring　Sarah　and　sitting　down　again　at　thetable；　‘and　you　don’t　know　how　lucky　you　is　to　have　a　father　what　worries　about　you　and　tries　tosee　to　it　that　you　e　up　right。’
　　‘Yeah；’　said　Roy；　‘we　don’t　know　how　lucky　we　is　to　have　a　father　what　don’t　want　you　togo　to　movies；　and　don’t　want　you　to　play　in　the　streets；　and　don’t　want　you　to　have　no　friends；　and　he　don’t　want　this　and　he　don’t　want　that；　and　he　don’t　want　you　to　do　nothing。　We　so　lucky　tohave　a　father　who　just　wants　us　to　go　to　church　and　read　the　Bible　and　beller　like　a　fool　in　front　ofthe　altar　and　stay　home　all　nice　and　quiet；　like　a　little　mouse。　Boy；　we　sure　is　lucky；　all　right。　Don’tknow　what　I　done　to　be　so　lucky。’
　　She　laughed。　‘You　going　to　find　out　one　day；’　she　said；　‘you　mark　my　words。’
　　‘Yeah；’　said　Roy。
　　‘But　it’ll　be　too　late；　then；’　she　said。　‘It’ll　be　too　late　when　you　e　to　be　…　sorry。’　Hervoice　had　changed。　For　a　moment　her　eyes　met　John’s　eyes；　and　John　was　frightened。。　He　felt　thather　words；　after　the　strange　fashion　God　sometimes　chose　to　speak　to　men；　were　dictated　byHeaven　and　were　meant　for　him。　He　was　fourteen—was　it　too　lat？　And　thus　uneasiness　wasreinforced　by　the　impression；　which　at　that　moment　he　realized　had　been　his　all　along；　that　hismother　was　not　saying　everything　she　meant。　What；　he　wondered；　did　she　say　to　Aunt　Florencewhen　they　talked　together？　Or　to　his　father？　What　were　her　thoughts？　Her　face　would　never　tell。
　　And　yet；　looking　down　at　him　in　a　moment　that　was　like　a　secret；　passing　sign；　her　face　did　tellhim。　Her　thoughts　were　bitter。
　　‘I　don’t　care；’　Roy　said；　rising。　‘When　I　have　children　I　ain’t　going　to　treat　them　like　this。’
　　John　watched　his　mother；　she　watched　Roy。　‘I’m　sure　this　ain’t　no　way　to　be。　Ain’t　got　no　right　tohave　a　houseful　of　children　if　you　don’t　know　how　to　treat　them。’
　　‘You　mighty　grown　up　this　morning；’　his　mother　said。　‘You　be　careful。’
　　‘And　tell　me　something　else；’　Roy　said；　suddenly　leaning　over　his　mother；　‘tell　me　howe　he　don’t　never　let　me　talk　to　him　like　I　talk　to　you？　He’s　my　father；　ain’t　he？　But　he　don’tnever　listen　to　me—no；　I　all　the　time　got　to　listen　to　him。’
　　‘Your　father；’　she　said；　watching　him；　‘knows　best。　You　listen　to　your　father；　I　guaranteeyou　you　won’t　end　up　in　no　jail。’
　　Roy　sucked　his　teeth　in　fury。　‘I　ain’t　looking　to　go　to　no　jail。　You　think　that’s　all　that’s　inthe　world　is　jails　and　churches？　You　ought　to　know　better　than　that；　Ma。’
　　‘I　know；’　she　said；　‘there　ain’t　no　safety　except　you　walk　humble　before　the　Lord。　Yougoing　to　find　it　out；　too；　one　day。　You　go　on；　hardhead。　You　going　to　e　to　grief。’
　　And　suddenly　Rot　grinned。　‘But　you　be　there；　won’t　you；　Ma—when　I’m　in　trouble？’
　　‘You　don’t　know；’　she　said；　trying　not　to　smile；　‘how　long　the　Lord’s　going　to　let　me　staywith　you。’
　　Roy　turned　and　did　a　dance　step。　‘That’s　all　right；’　he　said。　‘I　know　the　Lord　ain’t　as　hardas　Daddy。　Is　he；　boy？’　he　demanded　of　John；　and　struck　him　lightly　on　the　forehead。
　　‘Boy；　let　me　eat　my　breakfast；’　John　muttered—though　his　plate　had　long　been　empty；　andhe　was　pleased　that　Roy　had　turned　to　him。
　　‘That　sure　is　a　crazy　boy；’　ventured　Sarah；　soberly。
　　‘Just　listen；’　cried　Roy；　‘to　the　little　saint1　Daddy　ain’t　never　going　to　have　trouble　with　her—that　one；　she　was　born　holy。　I　bet　the　first　words　she　ever　said　was：　“Thank　you；　Jesus；”　Ain’tthat　so；　Ma？’
　　‘You　stop　this　foolishness；’　she　said；　laughing；　‘and　go　on　about　your　work。　Can’t　nobodyplay　the　fool　with　you　all　morning。’
　　‘Oh；　is　you　got　work　for　me　to　do　this　morning？　Well；　I　declare；’　said　Roy；　‘what　you　gotfor　me　to　do？’
　　‘I　got　the　woodwork　in　the　dining…room　for　you　to　do。　And　you　going　to　do　it；　too；　beforeyou　set　foot　out　of　this　house。’
　　‘Now；　why　you　want　to　talk　like　that；　Ma？　Is　I　said　I　wouldn’t　do　it？　You　know　I’m　a　rightgood　worker　when　I　got　a　mind。　After　I　do　it；　can　I　go？’
　　‘You　go　ahead　and　do　it；　and　we’ll　see。　You　better　do　it　right。’
　　‘I　always　do　it　right；’　said　Roy。　‘You　won’t　know　your　old　woodwork　when　I　get　through。’
　　‘John；’　said　his　mother；　‘you　sweep　the　front　room　for　me　like　a　good　boy；　and　dust　thefurniture。　I’m　going　to　clean　up　in　here。’
　　‘Yes’m；’　he　said；　and　rose。　She　had　forgotten　about　his　birthday。　He　swore　he　would　notmention　it。　He　would　not　think　about　it　any　more。
　　To　sweep　the　front　room　meant；　principally；　to　sweep　the　heavy　red　and　green　and　purpleOriental…style　carpet　that　had　once　been　that　room’s　glory；　but　was　now　so　faded　that　it　was　all　oneswimming　color；　and　so　frayed　in　places　that　it　tangled　with　the　broom。　John　hated　sweeping　thiscarpet；　for　dust　rose；　clogging　his　nose　and　sticking　to　his　sweaty　skin；　and　he　felt　that　should　besweep　it　for　ever；　the　clouds　of　dust　would　not　diminish；　the　rug　would　not　be　clean。　It　became　inhis　imagination　his　impossible；　lifelong　task；　his　hard　trial；　like　that　of　a　man　he　had　read　aboutsomewhere；　whose　curse　it　was　to　push　a　boulder　up　a　steep　hill；　only　to　have　the　giant　whoguarded　the　hill　roll　the　boulder　down　again—and　so　on；　for　ever；　throughout　eternity；　he　was　stillout　there；　that　hapless　man；　somewhere　at　the　other　end　of　the　earth；　pushing　his　boulder　up　thehill。　He　had　John’s　entire　sympathy；　for　the　longest　and　hardest　part　of　his　Saturday　mornings　washis　voyage　with　the　broom　across　this　endless　rug；　and　ing　to　the　French　doors　that　ended　theliving…room　and　stopped　the　rug；　he　felt　like　an　indescribably　weary　traveler　who　sees　his　home　atlast。　Yet　for　each　dustpan　he　so　laboriously　filled　at　the　door…still　demons　added　to　the　rug　twentymore；　he　saw　in　the　expanse　behind　him　the　dust　that　he　had　raised　settling　again　into　the　carpet；and　he　gritted　his　teeth；　already　on　edge　because　of　the　dust　that　filled　his