little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第90章

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'My　sex　disqualifies　me；'　she　proceeded　with　merely　a　slight　turn　of
her　eyes　in　jeremiah's　direction；　'from　taking　a　responsible　part　in
the　business；　even　if　I　had　the　ability；　and　therefore　Mr　Flintwinch
bines　my　interest　with　his　own；　and　conducts　it。　It　is　not　what　it
used　to　be；　but　some　of　our　old　friends　（principally　the　writers　of　this
letter）　have　the　kindness　not　to　forget　us；　and　we　retain　the　power
of　doing　what　they　entrust　to　us　as　efficiently　as　we　ever　did。　This
however　is　not　interesting　to　you。　You　are　English；　sir？'

'Faith；　madam；　no；　I　am　neither　born　nor　bred　in　England。　In　effect；　I
am　of　no　country；'　said　Mr　Blandois；　stretching　out　his　leg　and　smiting
it：　'I　descend　from　half…a…dozen　countries。'

'You　have　been　much　about　the　world？'

'It　is　true。　By　Heaven；　madam；　I　have　been　here　and　there　and
everywhere！'

'You　have　no　ties；　probably。　Are　not　married？'

'Madam；'　said　Mr　Blandois；　with　an　ugly　fall　of　his　eyebrows；　'I　adore
your　sex；　but　I　am　not　married……never　was。'

Mistress　Affery；　who　stood　at　the　table　near　him；　pouring　out　the　tea；
happened　in　her　dreamy　state　to　look　at　him　as　he　said　these　words；　and
to　fancy　that　she　caught　an　expression　in　his　eyes　which　attracted　her
own　eyes　so　that　she　could　not　get　them　away。　The　effect　of　this　fancy
was　to　keep　her　staring　at　him　with　the　tea…pot　in　her　hand；　not　only　to
her　own　great　uneasiness；　but　manifestly　to　his；　too；　and；　through　them
both；　to　Mrs　Clennam's　and　Mr　Flintwinch's。　Thus　a　few　ghostly　moments
supervened；　when　they　were　all　confusedly　staring　without　knowing　why。

'Affery；'　her　mistress　was　the　first　to　say；　'what　is　the　matter　with
you？'

'I　don't　know；'　said　Mistress　Affery；　with　her　disengaged　left　hand
extended　towards　the　visitor。　'It　ain't　me。　It's　him！'

'What　does　this　good　woman　mean？'　cried　Mr　Blandois；　turning　white；　hot；
and　slowly　rising　with　a　look　of　such　deadly　wrath　that　it　contrasted
surprisingly　with　the　slight　force　of　his　words。　'How　is　it　possible　to
understand　this　good　creature？'

'It's　NOT　possible；'　said　Mr　Flintwinch；　screwing　himself　rapidly
in　that　direction。　'She　don't　know　what　she　means。　She's　an　idiot；　a
wanderer　in　her　mind。　She　shall　have　a　dose；　she　shall　have　such　a　dose！
Get　along　with　you；　my　woman；'　he　added　in　her　ear；　'get　along　with　you；
while　you　know　you're　Affery；　and　before　you're　shaken　to　yeast。'

Mistress　Affery；　sensible　of　the　danger　in　which　her　identity　stood；
relinquished　the　tea…pot　as　her　husband　seized　it；　put　her　apron　over
her　head；　and　in　a　twinkling　vanished。　The　visitor　gradually　broke　into
a　smile；　and　sat　down　again。

'You'll　excuse　her；　Mr　Blandois；'　said　Jeremiah；　pouring　out　the　tea
himself；　'she's　failing　and　breaking　up；　that's　what　she's　about。　Do　you
take　sugar；　sir？'

'Thank　you；　no　tea　for　me。……Pardon　my　observing　it；　but　that's　a　very
remarkable　watch！'

The　tea…table　was　drawn　up　near　the　sofa；　with　a　small　interval　between
it　and　Mrs　Clennam's　own　particular　table。　Mr　Blandois　in　his　gallantry
had　risen　to　hand　that　lady　her　tea　（her　dish　of　toast　was　already
there）；　and　it　was　in　placing　the　cup　conveniently　within　her　reach　that
the　watch；　lying　before　her　as　it　always　did；　attracted　his　attention。
Mrs　Clennam　looked　suddenly　up　at　him。

'May　I　be　permitted？　Thank　you。　A　fine　old…fashioned　watch；'　he　said；
taking　it　in　his　hand。　'Heavy　for　use；　but　massive　and　genuine。　I　have
a　partiality　for　everything　genuine。　Such　as　I　am；　I　am　genuine　myself。
Hah！　A　gentleman's　watch　with　two　cases　in　the　old　fashion。　May　I　remove
it　from　the　outer　case？　Thank　you。　Aye？　An　old　silk　watch…lining；　worked
with　beads！　I　have　often　seen　these　among　old　Dutch　people　and　Belgians。
Quaint　things！'

'They　are　old…fashioned；　too；'　said　Mrs　Clennam。　'Very。　But　this　is　not
so　old　as　the　watch；　I　think？'

'I　think　not。'

'Extraordinary　how　they　used　to　plicate　these　cyphers！'　remarked　Mr
Blandois；　glancing　up　with　his　own　smile　again。　'Now　is　this　D。　N。　F。？
It　might　be　almost　anything。'

'Those　are　the　letters。'

Mr　Flintwinch；　who　had　been　observantly　pausing　all　this　time　with　a　cup
of　tea　in　his　hand；　and　his　mouth　open　ready　to　swallow　the　contents；
began　to　do　so：　always　entirely　filling　his　mouth　before　he　emptied　it
at　a　gulp；　and　always　deliberating　again　before　he　refilled　it。

'D。　N。　F。　was　some　tender；　lovely；　fascinating　fair…creature；　I　make　no
doubt；'　observed　Mr　Blandois；　as　he　snapped　on　the　case　again。　'I　adore
her　memory　on　the　assumption。　Unfortunately　for　my　peace　of　mind；
I　adore　but　too　readily。　It　may　be　a　vice；　it　may　be　a　virtue；　but
adoration　of　female　beauty　and　merit　constitutes　three　parts　of　my
character；　madam。'

Mr　Flintwinch　had　by　this　time　poured　himself　out　another　cup　of　tea；
which　he　was　swallowing　in　gulps　as　before；　with　his　eyes　directed　to
the　invalid。

'You　may　be　heart…free　here；　sir；'　she　returned　to　Mr　Blandois。　'Those
letters　are　not　intended；　I　believe；　for　the　initials　of　any　name。'

'Of　a　motto；　perhaps；'　said　Mr　Blandois；　casually。

'Of　a　sentence。　They　have　always　stood；　I　believe；　for　Do　Not　Forget！'

'And　naturally；'　said　Mr　Blandois；　replacing　the　watch　and　stepping
backward　to　his　former　chair；　'you　do　not　forget。'

Mr　Flintwinch；　finishing　his　tea；　not　only　took　a　longer　gulp　than　he
had　taken　yet；　but　made　his　succeeding　pause　under　new　circumstances：
that　is　to　say；　with　his　head　thrown　back　and　his　cup　held　still　at　his
lips；　while　his　eyes　were　still　directed　at　the　invalid。　She　had　that
force　of　face；　and　that　concentrated　air　of　collecting　her　firmness　or
obstinacy；　which　represented　in　her　case　what　would　have　been　gesture
and　action　in　another；　as　she　replied　with　her　deliberate　strength　of
speech：　'No；　sir；　I　do　not　forget。　To　lead　a　life　as　monotonous　as　mine
has　been　during　many　years；　is　not　the　way　to　forget。　To　lead　a　life　of
self…correction　is　not　the　way　to　forget。　To　be　sensible　of　having　（as
we　all　have；　every　one　of　us；　all　the　children　of　Adam！）　offences
to　expiate　and　peace　to　make；　does　not　justify　the　desire　to　forget。
Therefore　I　have　long　dismissed　it；　and　I　neither　forget　nor　wish　to
forget。'

Mr　Flintwinch；　who　had　latterly　been　shaking　the　sediment　at　the　bottom
of　his　tea…cup；　round　and　round；　here　gulped　it　down；　and　putting　the
cup　in　the　tea…tray；　as　done　with；　turned　his　eyes　upon　Mr　Blandois　as
if　to　ask　him　what　he　thought　of　that？

'All　expressed；　madam；'　said　Mr　Blandois；　with　his　smoothest　bow　and　his
white　hand　on　his　breast；　'by　the　word　〃naturally；〃　which　I　am　proud
to　have　had　sufficient　apprehension　and　appreciation　（but　without
appreciation　I　could　not　be　Blandois）　to　employ。'

'Pardon　me；　sir；'　she　returned；　'if　I　doubt　the　likelihood　of　a
gentleman　of　pleasure；　and　change；　and　politeness；　accustomed　to　court
and　to　be　courted……'

'Oh　madam！　By　Heaven！'

'……If　I　doubt　the　likelihood　of　such　a　character　quite　prehending
what　belongs　to　mine　in　my　circumstances。　Not　to　obtrude　doctrine　upon
you；'　she　looked　at　the　rigid　pile　of　hard　pale　books　before　her；　'（for
you　go　your　own　way；　and　the　consequences　are　on　your　own　head）；　I　will
say　this　much：　that　I　shape　my　course　by　pilots；　strictly　by　proved　and
tried　pilots；　under　whom　I　cannot　be　shipwrecked……can　not　be……and　that
if　I　were　unmindful　of　the　admonition　conveyed　in　those　three　letters；　I
should　not　be　half　as　chastened　as　I　am。'

It　was　curious　how　she　seized　the　occasion　to　argue　with　some　invisible
opponent。　Perhaps　with　her　own　better　sense；　always　turning　upon　herself
and　her　own　deception。

'If　I　forgot　my　ignorances　in　my　life　of　health　and　freedom；　I　might
plain　of　the　life　to　which　I　am　now　condemned。　I　never　do；　I　never
have　done。　If　I　forgot　that　this　scene；　the　Earth；　is　expressly　meant　to
be　a　scene　of　gloom；　and　hardship；　and　dark　trial；　for　the　creatures　who
are　made　out　of　its　dust；　I　might　have　some　tenderness　for　its　vanities。
But　I　have　no　such　tenderness。　If　I　did　not　know　that　we　are；　every　one；
the　subject　（most　justly　the　subject）　of　a　wrath　that　must　be　satisfied；
and　against　which　mere　actions　are　nothing；　I　might　repine　at　the
difference　between　me；　imprisoned　here；　and　the　people　who　pass　that
gateway　yonder。　But　I　take　it　as　a　grace　and　favour　to　be　elected　to
make　the　satisfaction　I　am　making　here；　to　know　what　I　know　for　certain
here；　and　to　work　out　what　I　have　worked　out　here。　My　affliction　might
otherwise　have　had　no　meaning　to　me。　Hence　I　would　forget；　and　I　do
forget；　nothing。　Hence　I　am　contented；　and　say　it　is　better　with　me
than　with　millions。'　As　she　spoke　these　words；　she　put　her　hand　upon　the
watch；　and　restored　it　to　the　precise　spot　on　her　little　table　which
it　always　occupied。　With　her　touch　lingering　upon　it；　she　sat　for　some
moments　afterwards；　looking　at　it　steadily　and　half…defiantly。

Mr　Blandois；　during　this　exposition；　had　been　strictly　attentive；
keeping　his　eyes　fastened　on　the　lady；　and　thoughtfully　stroking　his
moustache　with　his　two　hands。　Mr　Flintwinch　had　been　a　little　fidgety；
and　now　struck　in。

'There；　there；　there！'　said　he。　'That　is　quite　understood；　Mrs　Clennam；
and　you　have　spoken　piously　and　wel