little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第199章

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grievously　against　the　Lord；　but　she　wronged　me。　What　Arthur's　father
was　to　me；　she　made　him。　From　our　marriage　day　I　was　his　dread；　and　that
she　made　me。　I　was　the　scourge　of　both；　and　that　is　referable　to　her。
You　love　Arthur　（I　can　see　the　blush　upon　your　face；　may　it　be　the　dawn
of　happier　days　to　both　of　you！）；　and　you　will　have　thought　already　that
he　is　as　merciful　and　kind　as　you；　and　why　do　I　not　trust　myself　to　him
as　soon　as　to　you。　Have　you　not　thought　so？'

'No　thought；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　'can　be　quite　a　stranger　to　my　heart；
that　springs　out　of　the　knowledge　that　Mr　Clennam　is　always　to　be　relied
upon　for　being　kind　and　generous　and　good。'

'I　do　not　doubt　it。　Yet　Arthur　is；　of　the　whole　world；　the　one　person
from　whom　I　would　conceal　this；　while　I　am　in　it。　I　kept　over　him　as
a　child；　in　the　days　of　his　first　remembrance；　my　restraining　and
correcting　hand。　I　was　stern　with　him；　knowing　that　the　transgressions
of　the　parents　are　visited　on　their　offspring；　and　that　there　was　an
angry　mark　upon　him　at　his　birth。　I　have　sat　with　him　and　his　father；
seeing　the　weakness　of　his　father　yearning　to　unbend　to　him；　and　forcing
it　back；　that　the　child　might　work　out　his　release　in　bondage　and
hardship。　I　have　seen　him；　with　his　mother's　face；　looking　up　at　me　in
awe　from　his　little　books；　and　trying　to　soften　me　with　his　mother's
ways　that　hardened　me。'

The　shrinking　of　her　auditress　stopped　her　for　a　moment　in　her　flow　of
words；　delivered　in　a　retrospective　gloomy　voice。

'For　his　good。　Not　for　the　satisfaction　of　my　injury。　What　was　I；　and
what　was　the　worth　of　that；　before　the　curse　of　Heaven！　I　have　seen　that
child　grow　up；　not　to　be　pious　in　a　chosen　way　（his　mother's　influence
lay　too　heavy　on　him　for　that）；　but　still　to　be　just　and　upright；　and
to　be　submissive　to　me。　He　never　loved　me；　as　I　once　half…hoped　he
might……so　frail　we　are；　and　so　do　the　corrupt　affections　of　the　flesh
war　with　our　trusts　and　tasks；　but　he　always　respected　me　and　ordered
himself　dutifully　to　me。　He　does　to　this　hour。　With　an　empty　place　in
his　heart　that　he　has　never　known　the　meaning　of；　he　has　turned
away　from　me　and　gone　his　separate　road；　but　even　that　he　has　done
considerately　and　with　deference。　These　have　been　his　relations　towards
me。　Yours　have　been　of　a　much　slighter　kind；　spread　over　a　much　shorter
time。　When　you　have　sat　at　your　needle　in　my　room；　you　have　been　in　fear
of　me；　but　you　have　supposed　me　to　have　been　doing　you　a　kindness；　you
are　better　informed　now；　and　know　me　to　have　done　you　an　injury。　Your
misconstruction　and　misunderstanding　of　the　cause　in　which；　and　the
motives　with　which；　I　have　worked　out　this　work；　is　lighter　to　endure
than　his　would　be。　I　would　not；　for　any　worldly　repense　I　can
imagine；　have　him　in　a　moment；　however　blindly；　throw　me　down　from　the
station　I　have　held　before　him　all　his　life；　and　change　me　altogether
into　something　he　would　cast　out　of　his　respect；　and　think　detected　and
exposed。　Let　him　do　it；　if　it　must　be　done；　when　I　am　not　here　to　see
it。　Let　me　never　feel；　while　I　am　still　alive；　that　I　die　before　his
face；　and　utterly　perish　away　from　him；　like　one　consumed　by　lightning
and　swallowed　by　an　earthquake。'

Her　pride　was　very　strong　in　her；　the　pain　of　it　and　of　her　old　passions
was　very　sharp　with　her；　when　she　thus　expressed　herself。　Not　less　so；
when　she　added：

'Even　now；　I　see　YOU　shrink　from　me；　as　if　I　had　been　cruel。'

Little　Dorrit　could　not　gainsay　it。　She　tried　not　to　show　it；　but　she
recoiled　with　dread　from　the　state　of　mind　that　had　burnt　so　fiercely
and　lasted　so　long。　It　presented　itself　to　her；　with　no　sophistry　upon
it；　in　its　own　plain　nature。

'I　have　done；'　said　Mrs　Clennam；'what　it　was　given　to　me　to　do。　I　have
set　myself　against　evil；　not　against　good。　I　have　been　an　instrument
of　severity　against　sin。　Have　not　mere　sinners　like　myself　been
missioned　to　lay　it　low　in　all　time？'

'In　all　time？'　repeated　Little　Dorrit。

'Even　if　my　own　wrong　had　prevailed　with　me；　and　my　own　vengeance　had
moved　me；　could　I　have　found　no　justification？　None　in　the　old　days
when　the　innocent　perished　with　the　guilty　2　a　thousand　to　one？　When　the
wrath　of　the　hater　of　the　unrighteous　was　not　slaked　even　in　blood；　and
yet　found　favour？'

'O；　Mrs　Clennam；　Mrs　Clennam；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　'angry　feelings　and
unforgiving　deeds　are　no　fort　and　no　guide　to　you　and　me。　My　life
has　been　passed　in　this　poor　prison；　and　my　teaching　has　been　very
defective；　but　let　me　implore　you　to　remember　later　and　better　days。
Be　guided　only　by　the　healer　of　the　sick；　the　raiser　of　the　dead；　the
friend　of　all　who　were　afflicted　and　forlorn；　the　patient　Master　who
shed　tears　of　passion　for　our　infirmities。　We　cannot　but　be　right　if
we　put　all　the　rest　away；　and　do　everything　in　remembrance　of　Him。　There
is　no　vengeance　and　no　infliction　of　suffering　in　His　life；　I　am　sure。
There　can　be　no　confusion　in　following　Him；　and　seeking　for　no　other
footsteps；　I　am　certain。'

In　the　softened　light　of　the　window；　looking　from　the　scene　of　her　early
trials　to　the　shining　sky；　she　was　not　in　stronger　opposition　to　the
black　figure　in　the　shade　than　the　life　and　doctrine　on　which　she　rested
were　to　that　figure's　history。　It　bent　its　head　low　again；　and　said　not
a　word。　It　remained　thus；　until　the　first　warning　bell　began　to　ring。

'Hark！'　cried　Mrs　Clennam　starting；　'I　said　I　had　another　petition。

It　is　one　that　does　not　admit　of　delay。　The　man　who　brought　you　this
packet　and　possesses　these　proofs；　is　now　waiting　at　my　house　to　be
bought　off。　I　can　keep　this　from　Arthur；　only　by　buying　him　off。　He
asks　a　large　sum；　more　than　I　can　get　together　to　pay　him　without　having
time。　He　refuses　to　make　any　abatement；　because　his　threat　is；　that　if
he　fails　with　me；　he　will　e　to　you。　Will　you　return　with　me　and　show
him　that　you　already　know　it？　Will　you　return　with　me　and　try　to　prevail
with　him？　Will　you　e　and　help　me　with　him？　Do　not　refuse　what　I　ask
in　Arthur's　name；　though　I　dare　not　ask　it　for　Arthur's　sake！'

Little　Dorrit　yielded　willingly。　She　glided　away　into　the　prison　for　a
few　moments；　returned；　and　said　she　was　ready　to　go。　They　went　out
by　another　staircase；　avoiding　the　lodge；　and　ing　into　the　front
court…yard；　now　all　quiet　and　deserted；　gained　the　street。

It　was　one　of　those　summer　evenings　when　there　is　no　greater　darkness
than　a　long　twilight。　The　vista　of　street　and　bridge　was　plain　to　see；
and　the　sky　was　serene　and　beautiful。　People　stood　and　sat　at　their
doors；　playing　with　children　and　enjoying　the　evening；　numbers　were
walking　for　air；　the　worry　of　the　day　had　almost　worried　itself　out；　and
few　but　themselves　were　hurried。　As　they　crossed　the　bridge；　the　clear
steeples　of　the　many　churches　looked　as　if　they　had　advanced　out　of　the
murk　that　usually　enshrouded　them；　and　e　much　nearer。　The　smoke　that
rose　into　the　sky　had　lost　its　dingy　hue　and　taken　a　brightness　upon　it。
The　beauties　of　the　sunset　had　not　faded　from　the　long　light　films　of
cloud　that　lay　at　peace　in　the　horizon。　From　a　radiant　centre；　over
the　whole　length　and　breadth　of　the　tranquil　firmament；　great　shoots　of
light　streamed　among　the　early　stars；　like　signs　of　the　blessed　later
covenant　of　peace　and　hope　that　changed　the　crown　of　thorns　into　a
glory。

Less　remarkable；　now　that　she　was　not　alone　and　it　was　darker；　Mrs
Clennam　hurried　on　at　Little　Dorrit's　side；　unmolested。　They　left　the
great　thoroughfare　at　the　turning　by　which　she　had　entered　it；　and　wound
their　way　down　among　the　silent；　empty；　cross…streets。　Their　feet　were
at　the　gateway；　when　there　was　a　sudden　noise　like　thunder。

'What　was　that！　Let　us　make　haste　in；'　cried　Mrs　Clennam。

They　were　in　the　gateway。　Little　Dorrit；　with　a　piercing　cry；　held　her
back。

In　one　swift　instant　the　old　house　was　before　them；　with　the　man　lying
smoking　in　the　window；　another　thundering　sound；　and　it　heaved；　surged
outward；　opened　asunder　in　fifty　places；　collapsed；　and　fell。　Deafened
by　the　noise；　stifled；　choked；　and　blinded　by　the　dust；　they　hid　their
faces　and　stood　rooted　to　the　spot。　The　dust　storm；　driving　between　them
and　the　placid　sky；　parted　for　a　moment　and　showed　them　the　stars。　As
they　looked　up；　wildly　crying　for　help；　the　great　pile　of　chimneys；
which　was　then　alone　left　standing　like　a　tower　in　a　whirlwind；　rocked；
broke；　and　hailed　itself　down　upon　the　heap　of　ruin；　as　if　every
tumbling　fragment　were　intent　on　burying　the　crushed　wretch　deeper。

So　blackened　by　the　flying　particles　of　rubbish　as　to　be　unrecognisable；
they　ran　back　from　the　gateway　into　the　street；　crying　and　shrieking。
There；　Mrs　Clennam　dropped　upon　the　stones；　and　she　never　from　that　hour
moved　so　much　as　a　finger　again；　or　had　the　power　to　speak　one　word。
For　upwards　of　three　years　she　reclined　in　a　wheeled　chair；　looking
attentively　at　those　about　her　and　appearing　to　understand　what　they
said；　but　the　rigid　silence　she　had　so　long　held　was　evermore　enforced
upon　her；　and　except　that　she　could　move　her　eyes　and　faintly　express　a
negative　and　affirmative　with　her　head；　she　lived　and　died　a　statue。

Affery　had　been　looking　for　them　at　the　prison；　and