the hunger games-饥饿游戏(英文版)-第38章

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oking　back。
The　birds　fall　silent。　Somewhere；　a　mockingjay　gives　the　warning　whistle　that　precedes　the　hovercraft。　I　donˇt　know　how　it　knows。　It　must　hear　things　that　humans　canˇt。　I　pause；　my　eyes　focused　on　whatˇs　ahead；　not　whatˇs　happening　behind　me。　It　doesnˇt　take　long；　then　the　general　birdsong　begins　again　and　I　know　sheˇs　gone。
Another　mockingjay；　a　young　one　by　the　look　of　it；　lands　on　a　branch　before　me　and　bursts　out　Rueˇs　melody。
My　song；　the　hovercraft；　were　too　unfamiliar　for　this　novice　to　pick　up；　but　it　has　mastered　her　handful　of　notes。　The　ones　that　mean　sheˇs　safe。
¨Good　and　safe；〃　I　say　as　I　pass　under　its　branch。　¨We　donˇt　have　to　worry　about　her　now。〃　Good　and　safe。
Iˇve　no　idea　where　to　go。　The　brief　sense　of　home　I　had　that　one　night　with　Rue　has　vanished。　My　feet　wander　this　way　and　that　until　sunset。　Iˇm　not　afraid；　not　even　watchful。　Which　makes　me　an　easy　target。　Except　Iˇd　kill　anyone　I　met　on　sight。　Without　emotion　or　the　slightest　tremor　in　my　hands。　My　hatred　of　the　Capitol　has　not　lessened　my　hatred　of　my　petitors　in　the　least。　Especially　the　Careers。　They；　at　least；　can　be　made　to　pay　for　Rueˇs　death。
No　one　materializes　though。　There　arenˇt　many　of　us　left　and　itˇs　a　big　arena。　Soon　theyˇll　be　pulling　out　some　other　device　to　force　us　together。　But　thereˇs　been　enough　gore　today。　Perhaps　weˇll　even　get　to　sleep。
Iˇm　about　to　haul　my　packs　into　a　tree　to　make　camp　when　a　silver　parachute　floats　down　and　lands　in　front　of　me。　A　gift　from　a　sponsor。　But　why　now？　Iˇve　been　in　fairly　good　shape　with　supplies。　Maybe　Haymitchˇs　noticed　my　despondency　and　is　trying　to　cheer　me　up　a　bit。　Or　could　it　be　something　to　help　my　ear？
I　open　the　parachute　and　find　a　small　loaf　of　bread　Itˇs　not　the　fine　white　Capitol　stuff。　Itˇs　made　of　dark　ration　grain　and　shaped　in　a　crescent。　Sprinkled　with　seeds。　I　flash　back　to　Peetaˇs　lesson　on　the　various　district　breads　in　the　Training　Center。　This　bread　came　from　District　11。　I　cautiously　lift　the　still　warm　loaf。　What　must　it　have　cost　the　people　of　District　11　who　canˇt　even　feed　themselves？　How　many　wouldˇve　had　to　do　without　to　scrape　up　a　coin　to　put　in　the　collection　for　this　one　loaf？　It　had　been　meant　for　Rue；　surely。　But　instead　of　pulling　the　gift　when　she　died；　theyˇd　authorized　Haymitch　to　give　it　to　me。　As　a　thank…you？　Or　because；　like　me；　they　donˇt　like　to　let　debts　go　unpaid？　For　whatever　reason；　this　is　a　first。　A　district　gift　to　a　tribute　whoˇs　not　your　own。
I　lift　my　face　and　step　into　the　last　falling　rays　of　sunlight。　¨My　thanks　to　the　people　of　District　Eleven；〃　I　say。　I　want　them　to　know　I　know　where　it　came　from。　That　the　full　value　of　their　gift　has　been　recognized。
I　climb　dangerously　high　into　a　tree；　not　for　safety　but　to　get　as　far　away　from　today　as　I　can。　My　sleeping　bag　is　rolled　neatly　in　Rueˇs　pack。　Tomorrow　Iˇll　sort　through　the　supplies。　Tomorrow　Iˇll　make　a　new　plan。　But　tonight；　all　I　can　do　is　strap　myself　in　and　take　tiny　bites　of　the　bread。　Itˇs　good。　It　tastes　of　home。
Soon　the　sealˇs　in　the　sky；　the　anthem　plays　in　my　right　ear。　I　see　the　boy　from　District　1；　Rue。　Thatˇs　all　for　tonight。　Six　of　us　left；　I　think。　Only　six。　With　the　bread　still　locked　in　my　hands；　I　fall　asleep　at　once。
Sometimes　when　things　are　particularly　bad；　my　brain　will　give　me　a　happy　dream。　A　visit　with　my　father　in　the　woods。　An　hour　of　sunlight　and　cake　with　Prim。　Tonight　it　sends　me　Rue；　still　decked　in　her　flowers；　perched　in　a　high　sea　of　trees；　trying　to　teach　me　to　talk　to　the　mockingjays。　I　see　no　sign　of　her　wounds；　no　blood；　just　a　bright；　laughing　girl。　She　sings　songs　Iˇve　never　heard　in　a　clear；　melodic　voice。　On　and　on。　Through　the　night。　Thereˇs　a　drowsy　in…between　period　when　I　can　hear　the　last　few　strains　of　her　music　although　sheˇs　lost　in　the　leaves。　When　I　fully　awaken；　Iˇm　momentarily　forted。　I　try　to　hold　on　to　the　peaceful　feeling　of　the　dream；　but　it　quickly　slips　away；　leaving　me　sadder　and　lonelier　than　ever。
Heaviness　infuses　my　whole　body；　as　if　thereˇs　liquid　lead　in　my　veins。　Iˇve　lost　the　will　to　do　the　simplest　tasks；　to　do　anything　but　lie　here；　staring　unblinkingly　through　the　canopy　of　leaves。　For　several　hours；　I　remain　motionless。　As　usual；　itˇs　the　thought　of　Primˇs　anxious　face　as　she　watches　me　on　the　screens　back　home　that　breaks　me　from　my　lethargy。
I　give　myself　a　series　of　simple　mands　to　follow；　like　¨Now　you　have　to　sit　up；　Katniss。　Now　you　have　to　drink　water；　Katniss。〃　I　act　on　the　orders　with　slow；　robotic　motions。　¨Now　you　have　to　sort　the　packs；　Katniss。〃
Rueˇs　pack　holds　my　sleeping　bag；　her　nearly　empty　water　skin；　a　handful　of　nuts　and　roots；　a　bit　of　rabbit；　her　extra　socks；　and　her　slingshot。　The　boy　from　District　1　has　several　knives；　two　spare　spearheads；　a　flashlight；　a　small　leather　pouch；　a　first…aid　kit；　a　full　bottle　of　water；　and　a　pack　of　dried　fruit。　A　pack　of　dried　fruit！　Out　of　all　he　might　have　chosen　from。　To　me；　this　is　a　sign　of　extreme　arrogance。　Why　bother　to　carry　food　when　you　have　such　a　bounty　back　at　camp？　When　you　will　kill　your　enemies　so　quickly　youˇll　be　home　before　youˇre　hungry？　I　can　only　hope　the　other　Careers　traveled　so　lightly　when　it　came　to　food　and　now　find　themselves　with　nothing。
Speaking　of　which；　my　own　supply　is　running　low。　I　finish　off　the　loaf　from　District　11　and　the　last　of　the　rabbit。　How　quickly　the　food　disappears。　All　I　have　left　are　Rueˇs　roots　and　nuts；　the　boyˇs　dried　fruit；　and　one　strip　of　beef。　Now　you　have　to　hunt；　Katniss；　I　tell　myself。
I　obediently　consolidate　the　supplies　I　want　into　my　pack。　After　I　climb　down　the　tree；　I　conceal　the　boyˇs　knives　and　spearheads　in　a　pile　of　rocks　so　that　no　one　else　can　use　them。　Iˇve　lost　my　bearings　what　with　all　the　wandering　around　I　did　yesterday　evening；　but　I　try　and　head　back　in　the　general　direction　of　the　stream。　I　know　Iˇm　on　course　when　I　e　across　Rueˇs　third；　unlit　fire。　Shortly　thereafter；　I　discover　a　flock　of　grooslings　perched　in　the　trees　and　take　out　three　before　they　know　what　hit　them。　I　return　to　Rueˇs　signal　fire　and　start　it　up；　not　caring　about　the　excessive　smoke。　Where　are　you；　Cato？　I　think　as　I　roast　the　birds　and　Rueˇs　roots。　Iˇm　waiting　right　here。
Who　knows　where　the　Careers　are　now？　Either　too　far　to　reach　me　or　too　sure　this　is　a　trick　or　。。。　is　it　possible？　Too　scared　of　me？　They　know　I　have　the　bow　and　arrows；　of　course；　Cato　saw　me　take　them　from　Glimmerˇs　body；　but　have　they　put　two　and　two　together　yet？　Figured　out　I　blew　up　the　supplies　and　killed　their　fellow　Career？　Possibly　they　think　Thresh　did　this。　Wouldnˇt　he　be　more　likely　to　revenge　Rueˇs　death　than　I　would？　Being　from　the　same　district？　Not　that　he　ever　took　any　interest　in　her。
And　what　about　Foxface？　Did　she　hang　around　to　watch　me　blow　up　the　supplies？　No。　When　I　caught　her　laughing　in　the　ashes　the　next　morning；　it　was　as　if　someone　had　given　her　a　lovely　surprise。
I　doubt　they　think　Peeta　has　lit　this　signal　fire。　Catoˇs　sure　heˇs　as　good　as　dead。　I　find　myself　wishing　I　could　tell　Peeta　about　the　flowers　I　put　on　Rue。　That　I　now　understand　what　he　was　trying　to　say　on　the　roof。　Perhaps　if　he　wins　the　Games；　heˇll　see　me　on　victorˇs　night；　when　they　replay　the　highlights
of　the　Games　on　a　screen　over　the　stage　where　we　did　our　interviews。　The　winner　sits　in　a　place　of　honor　on　the　platform；　surrounded　by　their　support　crew。
But　I　told　Rue　Iˇd　be　there。　For　both　of　us。　And　somehow　that　seems　even　more　important　than　the　vow　I　gave　Prim。
I　really　think　I　stand　a　chance　of　doing　it　now。　Winning。　Itˇs　not　just　having　the　arrows　or　outsmarting　the　Careers　a　few　times；　although　those　things　help。　Something　happened　when　I　was　holding　Rueˇs　hand；　watching　the　life　drain　out　of　her。　Now　I　am　determined　to　revenge　her；　to　make　her　loss　unforgettable；　and　I　can　only　do　that　by　winning　and　thereby　making　myself　unforgettable。
I　overcook　the　birds　hoping　someone　will　show　up　to　shoot；　but　no　one　does。　Maybe　the　other　tributes　are　out　there　beating　one　another　senseless。　Which　would　be　fine；　Ever　since　the　bloodbath；　Iˇve　been　featured　on　screens　most　than　I　care。
Eventually；　I　wrap　up　my　food　and　go　back　to　the　stream　to　replenish　my　water　and　gather　some。　But　the　heaviness　from　the　morning　drapes　back　over　me　and　even　though　itˇs　only　early　evening；　I　climb　a　tree　and　settle　in　for　the　night。　My　brain　begins　to　replay　the　events　from　yesterday。　I　keep　seeing　Rue　speared；　my　arrow　piercing　the　boyˇs　neck。　I　donˇt　know　why　I　should　even　care　about　the　boy。
Then　I　realize　。　。　。　he　was　my　first　kill。
Along　with　other　statistics　they　report　to　help　people　place　their　bets；　every　tribute　has　a　list　of　kills。　I　guess　technically　Iˇd　get　credited　for　Glimmer　and　the　girl　from　District　4；　too；　for　dumping　that　nest　on　them。　But　the　boy　from　District　1　was　the　first　person　I　knew　would　die　because　of　my　actions。　Numerous　animals　have　lost　their　lives　at　my　hands；　but　only　one　human。　I　hear　Gale　saying；　¨How　different　can　it　be；　really？〃
Amazingly　similar　in　the　execution。　A　bow　pulled；　an　arrow　shot。　Entirely　different　in　the　aftermath。　I　killed　a　boy　whose　name　I　donˇt　even　know。　Somewhere　his　family　is　weeping　fo